The Phillies spent the offseason reuniting with friendly faces from their late 1990-early 2000 golden years. Larry Bowa, Marlon Byrd, Bobby Abreu - they're all here! And why not give a few of their other friends a shot too, and really take the team back to a time when they were playing some good old fashioned third place, 80-81 baseball.
Because with this team, why move forward when backward is so much closer?
Scott Rolen, 3B
Last seen: Going 0-for-2 with a strikeout.
Rolen is looking forward to his first go-around with that mystical Hall of Fame voting process, his name appearing for the first time on the ballot in 2018. Presumably, he’s still been working with the charity he started and named after his dog, which he basically uses to do whatever kind of good he wants.
But something tells me this unverified account isn’t actually Rolen.
the cubs are garbage we better win this game.
— Scott Rolen (@ScottRolen27) June 6, 2011
Doug Glanville, OF
Last seen: Demanding amendments be made to his MLB stats due to high average of at-bats vs. Hall of Fame Braves pitching.
— Doug Glanville (@dougglanville) January 13, 2014
Glanville, a former Phillie who entered the world of broadcasting and is actually good at it, was one of the names routinely cited while the Phillies searched for Sarge and Wheeler-replacements in the booth. Which is apparently still going on. Glanville is employed be ESPN, so chances are, he’s not detaching himself from that gig anytime soon.
Would a Phillies rebuild qualify for GK Alliance capital? The answer, without asking, is no.
Could use some depth in center field, though.
Pat Burrell, OF
Last seen: We have our guesses.
Pat Burrell's cell phone buzzes inside his pocket as he stirs awake. He's not sure where he is, but it's humid. Clearing the cob webs (1/2)
— Zoo With Roy (@zoowithroy) January 21, 2014
(2/2) from his field of vision, he glances at the caller ID. The gold iPhone 5s' retina display reads, "THE TOTAL PACKGE". He sighs deeply.
— Zoo With Roy (@zoowithroy) January 21, 2014
After leaving the Phillies, Burrell spent some time as the Gimp and won the World Series with the Giants after shouting at Roy Halladay. He retired as a Phillie, but stayed with the Giants as a scout. Which is all the PR-friendly information you can find online, which leaves the rest of his exploits to our imaginations.
His return would be the most logical, if you’re using the Phillies logic, which is extremely flawed. Burrell is still young by Phillies standards, and he would complete the reunion of the team’s very real 2003 outfield. If Burrell was interested in making a comeback, the Phillies would have to be interested.
Mike Lieberthal, C
Last seen: Being inducted on to the Wall of Fame, from which the Phillies are most likely looking for their next signings.
Poor Lieby's knees are butchered at this point, but he could still provide some pop off the bench in the same way that Bobby Abreu should probably never see the outfield this season. Bringing him back would complete the Glanville-Burrel-Lieberthal trilogy of Phillies who appeared in the Freddie Prinze, Jr. classic Summer Catch.
Todd Pratt, C
Last seen: In the Mitchell Report.
Career backup catcher Todd "Ian Stormbringer" Pratt had a chance to win the Yankees' backup role behind Jorge Posada in 2007, but lost to current Phillies backup Wil Nieves. When the Yankees asked him to stay on and give their pitchers a few pointers, Pratt said no.
At 46, yes, his knees may be only slightly better than Lieberthal's, but he's most likely been giving them plenty of rest, so why not take a flyer?
You can purchase Ian Stormbringer's former web site for a mere $695.
Ricky Ledee, OF
Last seen: Keeping that OPS near .700.
who did fashion police say was worst dressed at golden globes? was it Reese Witherspoon yikes
— Ricky Ledee (@ricky_ledee) January 15, 2014
What should I get for my in laws for Christmas I am thinking maybe a rake or an extension cord
— Ricky Ledee (@ricky_ledee) December 17, 2013
I don’t know anything about fashion. Was this that bad?
Brandon Duckworth, P
Last seen: Pitching on the same staff as Masahiro Tanaka. [Not the Yankees]
While Tanaka threw the 24-0, 1.27 ERA season that got him a lucrative deal with the Yankees, Duckworth was going a comparable 5-5 with a 4.31 ERA alongside him on the Rakuten Golden Eagles pitching staff. And nobody talks about that.
Duckworth has thrown 124 innings for the Golden Eagles since 2012, giving him a 3.99 career ERA in NPB, making 23 starts and giving up almost nine hits per game, which matches his career H/9 as a Phillie in 58 starts. Fun!
While Tanaka heads overseas, Duckworth while most likely be staying on that side of the sea, unless he finds work elsewhere, but it will be difficult to find updates due to the media’s bias of covering only pitchers whose stats are amazing.
Randy Wolf, P
Last seen: Buying a Los Angeles-area home from Slash.
At 37, Wolf is barely older than Cliff Lee, and pitched in the Majors as recently as 2012 with an Orioles staff that made the playoffs!
He'll be cheap, coming back from a second go at Tommy John surgery, and science tells us that having two reconsturctive arm procedures only drastically reduce a pitcher's effectiveness, instead of completely eliminating it! What do the Phillies have to lose?
Literally. What is there to lose.
Travis Lee, 1B
Last seen: Begging to be released by the Nationals.
“He retired during Spring Training of 2007 as a member of the Nationals, citing his lack of desire to play the game anymore.”
Marlon Anderson, 2B
Last seen: Serving as hitting instructor for the Potomac Nationals.
— Marlon Anderson (@MarlonAnderson8) January 22, 2014
Jeremy Giambi, OF/1B/DH
Last seen: Thrusting suggestively in Moneyball.