Scott Hartnell mistakes Jonathan Toews for puck

- Scott Hartnell didn't like the way the Blackhawks' Jonathan Toews was looking at that net last night, and inquired of him why, if he loved the net so much, did he not indeed just marry it?

- John Madden descended from Valhalla to inform Mike Shananan, in the strongest of Madden-speak, that his team was "baloney."

- Think about the last time you had the flu. Were you wearing shoes? If so, you have the ticket to getting out of any future financial problems. If you're Michael Jordan.

- We have our first advocate for the sanctity of the home plate collisions currently being banned by MLB, and it's Pete Rose. Shockingly.

- Ohio State's Amir Williams was interviewing on the - wait, coach is on your what?

- The New York tabloids welcomed the Mets' new signing, Bartolo Colon, to town the only way they know how: with fat jokes.

- After Alabama's loss to Auburn, when kicker Cade Foster missed three field goals, he naturally received death threats, because sports! Fortunately, he got a letter of support from a fairly known source.

- DeAndre Jordan went to slam home an alley-opp last night, and got about halfway there.

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