Phillies will miss Victorino

The Phillies begin a four game home-and-away series with the Red Sox today, because nothing is better after a lifeless, demoralizing loss than traveling on a holiday to play a team that is probably going to beat you.

Anyone hoping for a bittersweet Shane Victorino reunion will be disappointed, however, as the Flyin’ Hawaiian is grounded for the time being. No, not due to PTSD after a Koji Uehara high five.

Victorino’s been benched with a left hamstring strain, taking an emotional mid-game at-bat out of the question. At least we won’t ever have to worry about Shane growing a huge beard and swearing vengeance on everybody as soon as he puts on a different uniform, like some other outfielders currently on the DL.

SOME TEAMS DON'T HAVE TO WALK AWAY DEJECTEDLY

The Blue Jays’ Munenori Kawasaki, who is not fluent in English, gave one of the better post game interviews in the history of the sport yesterday after knocking a walkoff hit against the Orioles.

WHO GOES OUTSIDE ON MEMORIAL DAY, ANYWAY?

Arrested Development came roaring back to life yesterday, debuting the highly anticipated comedy’s fourth season on Netflix. So, in honor of those bravely staying indoors on Memorial Day to watch all of season four consecutively, we give you Tobias Funke auditioning for a James Cameron movie.

AT LEAST HE'S WINNING AT SOMETHING

After a thrilling pitching duel for many innings, the Phillies’ defense melted down and the Nationals leaked through for five runs off Cole Hamels, whose record dropped to 1-8. It was assumed that a post-loss tradition had emerged last time this happened, and Cole would not be speaking to the press.

He proved them wrong, though. And actually started handing out compliments.

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