Patriots lose on pivotal non-call

- The Patriots lost last night, but without blaming the refs for a little. Tom Brady threw a pass to Rob Gronkowski, but it was intercepted. A flag was thrown for what most assumed was holding by Carolina linebacker Luke Kuechly, but since time had expired, the refs decided that there was no penalty and everybody could just go home.

The troll dolls in attendance couldn't have been happier.

- But honestly, all you need is one look at Cam Newtown to realize who was going to win this game.

- They've melted the ice from the Blackhawks' miracle half of a Stanley Cup-winning 2013 season, and now you, lucky Blackhawks fan, can own your own magical vial of it inside of a sinister-looking carrying case.

- Hey, here's a tip to all you would-be children's basketball coaches out there - don't bite the children. See how you're not biting any children, right now? Do that.

- Another keen basketball tip - no kicking in the face.

- Oh, so Joe Mauer can't be a catcher anymore, but he can spend his offseason traveling with a Quidditch team. Huh, huh, okay. *snort*

- Today, we get a glimpse of one professional sports' most consistent themes - delusion.

- Ha ha, yeah! Stupid Astros! Signing Marlon Byrd and offering a 34-year-old catcher three years! Wait.