You've spent all year watching the Sixers for some masochistic reason, so why not take the next logical step and assimilate with them? The Pepsi Max Be a Player for a Day sweepstakes offer just such a scenario, during which you could become a genuine part of one of the NBA's top 21 teams.
Fueled by human horror, the Philadelphia 76ers require additional souls to stay alive, exemplified by the slow, emotionally draining process they exert on their fans.
I hate not being able to sleep through a night anymore. I guess it's still better than not sleeping at all, but still.
Reconsider every life decision that brought you to this point
Learn lose without dignity
Tell Andrew Bynum his hair looks nice
Keep thinking you're going to wake up every time Royal Ivey catches a pass, only to remember that this is real
Forget what "dignity" means
Find diplomatic ways to say "Look, we're just playing the games because they're on the schedule."
NNA... NNAM... NNOT GONNA WORK HERE ANYMORE
After an attempt to "restructure" the contract of Nnamdi Asomugha to make it more "team friendly," the Eagles have succeeded in making the cornerback's deal as "team friendly" as it could possibly get by terminating it immediately.
As the Eagles prepare to pretend that none of this ever happened, the team began a feeding frenzy yesterday, signing five free agents before even learning their names. Cutting Asomugha loosened up $44 million in cap space, but none of the Eagles' signings were considered very splashy, as if they had some sort of experience in signing a bunch of really talented players, putting them on the same field, and watching that plan somehow not work in front 50,000 furious, screaming people.
Certainly, this is cause for celebration - but Eagles style; so, a celebration that at some point goes absolutely wrong.
FLYERS ADVANCE TO SECOND ROUND OF REGULAR SEASON
After announcing that a strike-shortened NHL season was like playing "48 playoff games," the Flyers will once again begin playing games that are like playoff games this week, in hopes that eventually they will get to play in actual playoff games, rather than just more games that are "like" them.
If that sounds like it doesn't make any sense, that is only because of the team drawing comparisons to the post season, as if they have been playing like a team that could actually qualify for it.
By the end of this season, we can all take solace in the fact that the Flyers gave it their all - as far as music selection goes - in a couple of games they mistook for the playoffs.
NOBODY PHREAK OUT
More great news, this time out of Phillies camp, where new concerns about Roy Halladay have tarnished the already infrequent optimism about the 2013 season.
Halladay surrendered seven runs in a start against the Tigers yesterday, raising questions about not only his velocity (which is down), but his delivery and even basic mechanics. Charlie Manuel and pitching coach Rich Dubee have already expressed their worries, and people seemed to have deemed noted jokester and less noted starting pitcher Kyle Lohse as the obvious answer.