Miami Marlins president pretty confident he'll win Survivor

Survivor is still on the air, so they’re just going to go ahead and make another season out of it. This time, and I said that without having any idea what all the other times were like, there are teams split into “brains,” “brawn,” and “beauty.” 

The “brains” team will feature Marlins president David Samson, who once challenged the city of Miami to pay for a $350 million stadium and succeeded, to the chagrin and fury of taxpayers.

From Samson’s introductory video, he unloads a few gems.

  • “I have the ability to pretty much do anything.”
  • “I like doing things that are extraordinary that anyone can do.”
  • “Everything I do everyday has prepared me for these 39 days.”
  • “You have to meticulously assassin one person after the next.”

Look out, fellow Survivor contestants, David Samson is going to assassin you. Right after he finishes assassin’ing his little toe, which he says he cut off accidentally while trying to start a fire with flint.

Samson will be on the “brains” team, remember.