MLB reveals shockingly Phillies-free list of MVP finalists

MLB unveiled their nominees for Most Valuable Player, and there was not a single Phillies among them, somehow.

In the National League, Major League Baseball went with perennial MVP cliches like brilliant defenseman and clutch hitting threat Yadier Molina, center field speed demon and human power cell Andrew McCutchen, and eye rollingly potent league leader in home runs, RBI, SLG, and OPS, Paul Goldschmidt.

The American League features MLB Network talking points Miguel Cabrera and Mike Trout, while Chris Davis was thrown in there because you need three finalists and he spent most of the year being a nuclear reaction to pitching.

So, where are the Phillies up for awards? 

There aren't any among the MVPs, obviously, nor in the Rookies of the Year. Nobody pitched into Cy Young contention and getting fired didn't do much for Charlie Manuel's Manager of the Year chances.

No, all of our enthusiasm can be packed into Ben Revere, who is once again up for a Top Play Award from the GIBBYs, the far less pretigious or noticeable end of year baseball awards.

Cliff Lee is up for top pitcher, and Domonic Brown could be the breakout player of the year. So stop weeping in the dark or paying attention to other sports, the Phillies are trying to make you proud.