Thursday, April 17, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

Dennis Rodman will save us

Dennis Rodman didn't quite accomplish what he set out to do the first time he went to North Korea, which was [REASONS NOT FOUND].

Dennis Rodman will save us

Dennis Rodman didn’t quite accomplish what he set out to do the first time he went to North Korea, which was [REASONS NOT FOUND]. Naturally, he feels he needs to return to the incredibly tense Korean peninsula this August to really get a sense of closure on his goal, which is to [REALLY NOT A REAL REASON HERE].

According to Rodman, “we’ll just hang and have some fun!”

‘We’ of course, referring to Rodman and the entourage he travels with, not the many people who live in the impoverished nation and could care less what a former basketball player and current attention whore is doing in their country.

This was after a ceremony in which Rodman was referred to (unofficially) as the “U.S. ambassador to North Korea,” which is great news, as things have only gotten better since he first declared Kim Jong-Un a “friend for life.”

Maybe Rodman can track him down.

DOC'S MIAMI HEAT

It may take more than a clubhouse full of 2-9 Fish to prove Roy Halladay is back to form.  But not for some completely unbiased people.

Doc’s eight inning, five-hit, one-run performance had his fans nodding and his doubters remaining doubtful.  Nevertheless, he got the win, despite a lobotomized offense, and leveled the Phillies to an even .500, attaining his 200th career win in the process.

Some people might tell you that pitchers’ wins are not as important as they used to be.  And they would be right. 

But that one felt pretty important, even if it was against a 2-10 team whose manager called Giancarlo Stanton not going on the DL for a bruised shoulder "the best possible news."

COLLINS GOING OUT ON THE BOTTOM

The Sixers finally ended their slow crawl to the end of the home schedule on Sunday, soundly defeating an even more horrible Cleveland Cavalier squad. 

Owner Adam Aron promised a “busy summer” was ahead, meaning he must have stayed up late to complete the blueprints on that even more awesome confetti cannon.

Doug Collins’ agent, on the hand, had some rather defiant news following the game, amid rumors that Collins would be stepping down as the Sixers’ coach.

The ‘year’ in question was one of those years that only lasts a couple of hours.

FACT: 'HOME RUN' IS A BASEBALL THING

After an intense advertising campaign, questions about Harrison Ford taking on a role in which he doesn’t punch anyone, and speculation on the historical accuracy of Jay-Z’s music in the 1940s, Jackie Robinson biopic 42 finally debuted in theaters this weekend to the tune of $27.3 million (Starring Alan Tudyk as terribly racist Phillies manager Ben Chapman!)

Also debuting were a series of predictable baseball-related headline puns from media outlets not accustomed to baseball terms.

Justin Klugh Sports Producer
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Pattison Ave. offers an eclectic mix of news and nuggets about Philadelphia sports and beyond. Live chats, analysis, random thoughts, viral videos, odds and ends -- you'll find it all here.

Matt Mullin Sports Editor
Jonathan Tannenwald Sports Producer
Brian McCardle Sports Producer
Jerry Gaul Sports Producer
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Justin Klugh Sports Producer
Michael Kaskey-Blomain Assistant Sports Producer
Mare McKeever Assistant Sports Producer
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