CliffsNotes for A-Rod's memoirs
A-Rod says he's cleared to play.
Brian Cashman: "STFU A-Rod."
A-Rod possibly getting banned from baseball forever.
A-Rod gets doctor to say he's not injured.
Doctor then says he's never actually met A-Rod.
Brian Cashman: "WTF, A-Rod."
A-Rod: "Let's play!"
A-Rod forced to wait until August to play.
Also, might still be banned from baseball forever.
SO CLOSE
The Phillies were on the verge of making their first trade deadline deal yesterday, just before game time!
And then, 20 minutes later, they were not.
It might be for the best; the scouting report on Dickerson is that he's a very self-serving player.
THEY'RE LIKE CUDDLY, EMOTIONALLY DISTANT PEOPLE
We've all weeped openly in front of our co-workers during montages of dogs welcoming soldiers home from war. Well, get the tissues ready and warn HR you'll 'be right down,' because somebody made the same video, but with a cat.
THIS LEAGUE HAS CHANGED, MAN
NFL players face a plethora of challenges in their field that we can rarely relate to. But in this case, we find ourselves at a rare intersection. How would you feel if your boss told you that all of the sudden, you couldn't bring your pet tiger to work?
That's the dilemma faced by Darnell Dockett of the Cardinals, whose 60 lb. tiger, Little Buddy, had his invitation to training camp lost in the mail.
With the state of the NFL right now, he team might be grateful enough that he's not using the tiger to help him commit a jewel heist or something that they'd let him.
But probably, definitely not. Maybe.
He's also made a $30,000 offer on a monkey. Boy the "trained animal jewel heist gang" theory is really picking up steam.
ANGEL GETS HIS WINGS
Angels reliever Dane De La Rosa nursed an injured pigeon back to health in the bullpen last night before throwing a 1-2-3 eighth.
So when the Angels make a roaring comeback in the AL West, and have a deep fly ball get carried over the fence by a mysterious bird to defeat the Rangers in the bottom of the ninth inning in late September, it won't even be weird.
WE WANT ANSWERS! OR APOLOGIES! PAY ATTENTION TO US!
Sixers owner Scott O'Neill apologized to Sixers fans on the radio yesterday, and it's about time, because as fans in Philadelphia, we are owed at least one thing from everybody, all the time.