"A 12:39 a.m. a Mayville Police officer responded to Dan’s King Pin, 31 N. Main St., to speak to a woman who reported that her husband had used a stun gun on her three times while at Sidelines Tap, 111 S. Main St.
The wife said that while the two were smoking cigarettes outside of Sidelines, Grant had used the stun gun twice on her butt and once on her thigh. Grant said that the two had made a bet on the game as she is a Packers fan and he a Bears fan that if the Packers lost, she would be shocked with the stun gun."
It was a simple bet, honey. If my Bears win, I get to use this stun gun we have for some reason on you. If the Packers win, you can use it on me.
Look, I don't know why you're so upset. You agreed to this. That's why we got video of it as it happened. I wanted a documented record of what what down outside of this Mayville, Illinois-area bar. Plus, we could always show our kids. Or people who come over for dinner.
"There goes John and his wife," they'll say. "They electrocute each other over football games."
Oh come on, get up. You're not really going to call the cops. You agreed to be stun gunned! There was nothing I could do! If anything, you probably should have called the cops if I didn't stun you. That's fraud. I would have respected your decision then.
Okay, yes, we should have specified how many times the loser will get electrocuted. Since we didn't, though, I felt like it was okay to hit my wife with a stun gun multiple times.
Are you seriously calling the cops? C'mon. Fair's fair. It's not my fault Aaron Rodgers broke his collar bone.
All right, next time, the loser has to stand still while the winner throws knives around their head. Okay? Is that better?