Monday, August 3, 2015

Phillies fans doomed to repeat terrible history

Years, nay; generations have passed in the battle to free ourselves from The Santa Claus Thing.

Phillies fans doomed to repeat terrible history

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The Phanatic dressed as Santa.
The Phanatic dressed as Santa.

It's been a long fight.

Years - nay, generations - have passed in the battle to free ourselves from The Santa Claus Thing. Terrible writers and clueless people have spent endless column inches and Twitter characters reinforcing the idea that the time in 1968 when Eagles fans threw snowballs at Santa Claus is relevant to all things Philly. And we, from local residents to the one-time governor, have attempted to clarify the context.

But it seems to have been all for nothing. 

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Yes, despite all our efforts, Santa Claus is returning to the Philadelphia Sports Complex, where fans will have to stifle their natural instincts to throw crap at him.

"What? It's easy; you just don't throw anything," people say now.

But later, as they stand there flop sweating and seeing a relish-soaked hot dog close at hand, a perfectly exposed Santa Claus totally vulnerable while dancing on the dugout with the Phanatic, they'll understand:

This is Philadelphia. And this is their destiny.

Sports Producer
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