The often incoherent, grammatically challenged ramblings of a man who has watched too much sports, listened to too much music and devoured too many club sandwiches.
The ball goes into the air, and drops on a new year, you go left, I’ll go right and we’ll agree to meet in the middle, as long as the middle is slightly to the right.
Got it? Okay, rules in place, let’s proceed into 2014 and find a Twitter world where we will have only 140 characters each, though that should be more than enough to get our point across from now until eternity.
Anyway, or is it anyways. Whatever.
Anyway you want it, here’s a Journey into the new year where the Eagles start out on the right foot into the playoffs, the Flyers have figured out how to win a shootout, the Sixers have a plan, and the Phillies ... let’s stay positive here ... have a full schedule of games ahead of them.
The first NFL game in Philadelphia in 2014 is Saturday night. Amazingly, two quarterbacks from the same high school in Texas face off in a playoff game.
You take Drew Brees and his proven winning ways with the New Orleans Saints, and the rest of us take Nick Foles and his amazing quarterback stats with the Eagles.
Meanwhile, the real person to worry about is Sean Payton and his ability to put together a game plan on the road to take advantage of the Eagles' defensive lapses in the backfield.
In the meantime - you take Peyton Manning, the guy on the right takes Tom Brady. Doesn’t much matter who takes who because Tom Brady takes Giselle Bundschen home, and even if he ends up watching the Super Bowl on TV, he wins the day.
Round and round we go in these arguments, you always took the Beatles, the rest of the room was rocking to the Rolling Stones, and we all wonder how a couple of guys get on stage as the Black Keys and manage to make such a BIG sound.
You take Auburn, this side of the room takes Florida State, and we all know if it wasn’t for a fraction of a second left in a game we might all be watching Alabama - again.
And let’s all hope the Eagles take Crimson Tide free safety Ha-Ha Clinton Dix in the first round of the 2014 draft.
All right, all right, more local. You take Temple, we’ll take Penn; you take St. Joe’s, we’ll take Villanova, and then you guys on the Main Line can pick up the cell phone for a wake up call - and the caller ID says - Syracuse.
Asked for the worst sports story of the year, you can take the Phillies, or the Flyers being out of the playoffs. But we’ll take Temple’s decision to drop seven varsity sports.
We should all be able to agree on this one - it was a disgrace. And both the school and alumni should be embarrassed.
You take Gibson, I’ll take Fender; You take the band with the mandolin, I’ll take the chick with the accordian in Arcade Fire, or maybe Katie Kaboom with The Mahones; You take Joe Bonamassa, but the guy with the Gibson Gold Top takes Joe Satriani.
The really smart guys take Walter Trout or Derek Trucks, but we can agree to have them all jam something something by Deep Purple.
You take Ryan Howard’s contract, I’ll take Jonathan Papelbon’s, and we can both approach the White House and plead for a government bailout.
You take the Schuylkill, we’ll pile in the car and take West River Drive, and the end result is we’ll both be stuck in a traffic jam on the Blue Route.
Worse than that, we’re headed for Villanova.
Sixers fans won’t like this, but did you know the little Bluebird in the Twitter logo is actually named Larry? That’s right, Larry Bird. You can look it up.
Just to be fair, shouldn’t all the doctors who are approved to dispense medial marijuana be called Dr. J?
Finally, you take Allagash White, the guy over there orders an Allagash Black, and in this bar stool we’re still happy with a Coors Light, or maybe just a Lone Star.
It’s easy, I’ll have what Willie’s having.
Finally, we should all thank the genius who put cinnamon in whisky, and thus discovered a way to get women to drink whiskey.