Sunday, February 7, 2016

Never bad-mouth the ex, buddy

I have a friend, let’s call him Dudley.

Never bad-mouth the ex, buddy

0 comments

I have a friend, let’s call him Dudley.

He went through an especially bitter divorce, replete with multiple attorneys and years of firefight skirmishes with the ex-wife over custody of their two boys and a girl. It was a kind of ugliness that takes your breath away, making you question marriage, procreation, or life in general.

Lawyers will tell you that anyone who wants to take your money and your children is not a friend. Dudley took that counsel to heart. The point is, after Dudley lost much of his money and a good deal of access to his children, he took to bad-mouthing the ex any chance he could.

Dumb move.

His children grew to resent his unsparing attacks on their mother. The ex got wind of the criticisms and made the interactions between her and Dudley extra excruciating.

A divorced person I once met said you say nothing critical to the ex about how he or she is raising the kid unless something illegal, immoral, or dangerous is going on. Life's too short for endless combat.

Great advice. Too bad Dudley – and so many divorced folks – have a hard time following it.

Inquirer Columnist
0 comments
We encourage respectful comments but reserve the right to delete anything that doesn't contribute to an engaging dialogue.
Help us moderate this thread by flagging comments that violate our guidelines.

Comment policy:

Philly.com comments are intended to be civil, friendly conversations. Please treat other participants with respect and in a way that you would want to be treated. You are responsible for what you say. And please, stay on topic. If you see an objectionable post, please report it to us using the "Report Abuse" option.

Please note that comments are monitored by Philly.com staff. We reserve the right at all times to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable. Personal attacks, especially on other participants, are not permitted. We reserve the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions.

Additionally comments that are long, have multiple paragraph breaks, include code, or include hyperlinks may not be posted.

Read 0 comments
 
comments powered by Disqus
About this blog
A New York City native, Lubrano has written for newspapers since 1980. He's the author of a book, "Limbo: Blue-collar roots, white-collar dreams," and was a commentator for National Public Radio for 16 years. His work has appeared in various national magazines and anthologies. He lives with his daughter in South Jersey, and has worked for the Inquirer since 1995. Reach Alfred at alubrano@phillynews.com.

Alfred Lubrano Inquirer Columnist
Latest Videos:
Also on Philly.com
letter icon Newsletter