Wear Sunscreen

As we await the traditional college commencement speeches, (insert clever quotation here) here are a few things to remember, graduates...

Don't expect to hear someone famous. Don't expect stirring. Don't expect memorable.

And don't expect that anyone will listen to your grievances -- you're about to enter the real world.

With students at Bryn Mawr and Temple grousing about their schools' choices for speakers, we bring you the best speech (outside of Steve Jobs's ditty at Stanford) -- an adaptation of a 1997 column by Mary Schmick of the Chicago Tribune.

Remember compliments, forget insults, stretch... and wear sunscreen.