Philly's former top cop John Timoney, now a consultant helping Camden County "regionalize" city and suburban police departments, wants to spend five days in Camden.
But there's no room at the inn.
There are no inns, period.
Unless one counts those infamous 'Tent City' homeless encampments, Camden offers no lodging for the traveler.
Downtown, the beloved Walt Whitman Hotel closed and was imploded in the 1970s; its handsome neighbor, the Plaza, shut down in 1985 but still stands at 5th and Cooper.
Sometime in the 1990s, the motel-like Towne Park closed, leaving behind a groovy blue sign on Market Street.
And in 2000, The Four Winds, the Wilson and their equally hot-sheeted sister, The Oasis – a citadel of seediness that enjoyed a cameo role in the 1995 film 12 Monkeys – were bulldozed by the Admiral Wilson Boulevard beautification project.
A hotel has been long been proposed for the Camden Waterfront; I've even heard talk about a boutique hotel on Cooper Street someday.
But for now, Timoney – who lives in Miami – will have to make other arrangements for his five-day Camden stay.
"I'll find a way," he says.