What are you doing to prepare for the Rapture?
If you are like me, you've been too busy packing lunches and accidentally leaving wet laundry in the washing machine for days to properly prepare for THE RAPTURE. You probably don't even know what THE RAPTURE is, beyond that great Blondie song which you may still have on vinyl somewhere at your parents' house.
According to billboards and bus advertising sponsored by a group called Family Radio, The Rapture is May 21, 2011. It's the beginning of the end of the world as we know it. From what I'm reading, it won't be pleasant for most folks.
On May 21, 2011 two events will occur, the website advises. These events could not be more opposite in nature, the one more wonderful than can be imagined; the other more horrific than can be imagined.
A great earthquake will occur the Bible describes it as "such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great." This earthquake will be so powerful it will throw open all graves. The remains of the all the believers who have ever lived will be instantly transformed into glorified spiritual bodies to be forever with God.
On the other hand the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed.
The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description. Each day people will die until October 21, 2011 when God will completely destroy this earth and its surviving inhabitants.
Unfortunately, I have plans on the May date of the apocalyptic appetizer. If I am so unlucky as to survive round one of the eternal elimination, I'll think about how to best handle the indescribable "horror and chaos" that will define my final months on earth.
If Donald Trump is really such a programming genius, he'll rush RAPTURE: THE REALITY SHOW into development ASAP.
Consider yourselves warned.
-- Monica Yant Kinney