Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out, Mr. Patterson

Pennsylvania's semen-obsessed public welfare official is almost ready to finally say adieu.

Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out, Mr. Patterson

Having previously blogged about the strange semen fixation of Corbett administration official Robert W. Patterson, I feel duty-bound to report on two exciting developments.

For starters, Mr. Patterson is finally leaving the building. Or, at least, he will next Tuesday, according to an update from my Harrisburg colleague Angela Coloumbis.

Patterson, if recall, made $104,470 to work in the Department of Public Welfare, which administers programs he bashed in a side job as editor of a conservative faith-based journal.

The bureaucrat hastily resigned after the Inquirer revealed details of his moonlighting, but  inexplicably remains on the job this week. Patterson made national headlines for his blunt writings criiticizing working mothers and opposing birth control -- in part because condoms deprive women of chemicals in semen that improve mood and concentration.

Scientific studies about "semen-exposed women" are not new, but that didn't stop my sick pals at Scrapple TV from anointing Patterson and the DPW their "Piggie of the Week."

Enjoy the show below. But please wear headphones if watching at work. AP Ticker has some choice words for the Corbett administration about the boneheads spending your tax dollars, and many aren't suitable for an office.

"Can the DPW ensure that every teenage girl with low self-esteem and poor grades gets a nutritious and life-saving dose of fresh hot semen every day?" he asks. "I say we take the savings from food stamp cuts and offer semen stamps."

-- Monica Yant Kinney

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Blinq is a news commentary blog featuring contributions from Inquirer Metro columnists Karen Heller, Kevin Riordan and Daniel Rubin.

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