Cell Phone Lane

Some very important person nearly smashed into my car this morning on the way to work.

He wore a suit, drove a Volvo wagon and, of course, held a phone to his ear.

He crossed two lanes of traffic in a hurry as he must have realized that the fast lane took him into Center City on 676 East, and he wanted to stay on the Schuylkill.

I almost cut myself shaving. No, I kid.

It made me think:

What if we dedicated an exclusive lane on the highway to the geniuses driving while yakking?

There could be a cell phone lane, just for them. They'd have to stay there while they chatted about whatever. We could set their speed limit at 30 so they wouldn't get hurt. And they wouldn't hurt us.

We might want to put some padded guide rails on the sides, just in case they're not paying attention.

And then we could use those zappers that would block the signals for people in every other lane who are just interested in getting somewhere quickly and safely.

I know, too much government at work. People have a right to be free. Yada yada.

What about our right to be free of that piece of work on the phone?

This is the perfect moment to remind that in Philadelphia one must use a hands-free device if one is driving. So within the city limits the lane would be saved for those seemingly talking to themselves in their cars.

My wife suggests we create a special lane for those who text behind the wheel.

Yeah, the break-down lane.