Who Is The Phila Lawyer?

PhilalawyerThe term Philadelphia Lawyer has been around since at least 1735, when a clever barrister named Andrew Hamilton traveled to New York and won an early victory for freedom of the press.

The term Phila Lawyer brings to mind more modern liberties.

"Katherine pressed me up against the wall outside the parking lot elevator and shoved her tongue down my throat," begins the latest post from the anonymous local lawyer whose blog has returned after a year's leave.

Phila Lawyer began in December 2004 with beer-soaked, skirt-chasing tales from a big-city practice. And with confessional posts like this, called The Ten Percenter:

You probably wake up like I do every day, amazed that they haven't caught on to the fraud. When will the other shoe fall? It's only a matter of time. I don't deserve these checks. I'm not a team player. I'm not even playing the same sport.

Last week he put up the first of three new posts, and promises to update twice a week after moving his blog archives over to the new site. The new posts are sure to continue the legal parlor game that surrounds the barrister blogger's identity.

Some message board began the rumor that he had died in a car crash. Another posited that his wife had pulled the plug. Or his managing partner.

It's not clear where he's been. But he's hooked up with Tucker Max, who has been making a name in lout lit, and is part of Max's burgeoning empire of bad-boy (and bad-girl) blogs.

Phila Lawyer's latest work begins with his having to attend continuing legal education class, which he likens to watching cement harden:

I always bring a sack of newspapers, magazines, timesheets and the Blackberry to busy myself, but no matter how many Weekly World News, Inquirers, FHMs, SIs, SPINs, Times, Newsweeks, Maxims, and Economists I read, and no matter how many time sheets I fill out, and no matter how many emails I send, I will be compelled to pay attention to the seminar for at least about one of the eight hours I'm there. I chalk this up to fear. As a child and young adult, I was constantly serving detentions for talking during assembly or doodling in class. I know they can't send me to the principal's office anymore, but I still have this lingering sense that someone is looking over my shoulder. I think some prefect is going to grab the Blackberry from my fingers and yank me out of my seat by the ear. "You'll be getting a big fat zero for today's assignment, mister, and you can plead for your license to the Supreme Court."

Anyway, over three longish posts, he makes a case for bookmarking quoting from "Oh La La" by the Faces, name-checking Otter from Animal House, Dan Marino and David E. Kelly, and dissing annoying types from law school. He recalls in clinical detail a particularly robust date with a woman he describes as a polar bear:

Not because she was huge and alabaster white, but because she, and those like her, hunt men the way polar bears hunt meat. Polar bears rarely see prey on the tundra, so when they see anything alive they can get their paws on, they kill it.

So, who is this clever barrister?

Posted 05/31/2006 11:44:11 PM

It is amazing a jerk like this wrote something perceptive as Ten Percenter.

Joseph Smith
Posted 06/01/2006 09:39:49 AM

This guy amazes me that he still has a job? What law firm would hire him? And this guy is an "officer of the court"?!

David Ricardo
Posted 06/01/2006 07:46:16 PM

first, the name "phila lawyer" is so lame. what about philly lawyer or penn lawyer or something like that. second, I don't believe a word of this crap. who can take so many drugs and still function? (especially high level work like the law) third, if he had any balls he would reveal his identity like a real man.

Justin Williams
Posted 06/02/2006 12:31:35 AM

Its sad to see that people who actualy read the newspaper and see the need to post resort to insulting people that they don't know. If you had read the article's you are insulting you would realize that you are not part of the ten-percenters and it is not for you. Insulting things you do not understand is ignorance. Why is there so much ignorance and negativity on the internet when did morons learn to type.

Nicholas Roti
Posted 06/12/2006 08:24:38 PM

I laugh at all these comments. You people are fools just as he describes.

Posted 07/17/2006 06:19:51 PM

See the funny thing about these comments (above) are that they are scarred.... Their whole life they have grown up miserable, doing everything they are told,("can't go to a party on a school night or I'll end up being a garbage man") thinking that anyone who doesn't choose to live their life the same way is really a moron, and will never be successful or get ahead in the world. Newsflash assholes, unfortunately, he is much smarter than you, and just because YOU can't have a social life AND still finish your homework (or that work project) doesn't mean someone else smarter and more talented than you can. I hope the world is eventually run by "phila-lawyers" because it is people like this who are truly the sharpest

Matti Heikkinen
Posted 07/27/2006 06:49:24 AM

See the funny thing about these comments (below) are that they are stupid. You think you "know" what is truly funny or truly intelligent. I'm sick and tired of these people who admire these "cool bad-asses" who can write decently. This lawyer hasn't done anything that thousands of others have done before, he's just a pretty good writer

Posted 06/12/2008 01:30:53 PM

Matti, Great job! You're the best! ...at pigeonholing yourself as one of the jealous nerds that could never balance play and hard work. The same kind of guy that sits there fuming about "the assholes" always getting the "hot girls" while you sit there holding the hand of your plumper wife. Get off your ass and write something insightful that reverberates with so many people instead of doing the same thing you've done your whole life: sit by the sidelines. How's middle management America treating you?

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