License to Drill

Thank you, State Rep. Mike Sturla! Thanks to the Democrat from Lancaster for taking our minds off Hurrican Irene, earthquakes and various nations in turmoil, and focusing our attention on sex and the Marcellus Shale.

 As I wrote in today's column,

"Indeed, what I hear is that some local womenfolk see opportunity in these well-paid, gas-enriched strangers with their trucks sporting Texas and Colorado plates, An Officer and a Gentleman playing out in the Endless Mountains.

"How could we have overlooked the natural romance inherent in natural gas? Why aren't we exploiting boom times for their artistic and commercial potential?

"If Gov. Frackenstein won't tax natural gas, perhaps he will tax movies made about untaxed natural gas, Westerns set in the Wild East. Consider License to Drill, starring Ryan Gosling as the handsome, laconic stranger from Texas, patronizing bars, driving up rents, spreading love amongst the womenfolk, like sassy, headstrong local lass Emma Stone, who sees him as her one-way ticket out of Towanda. Or Fricking and Fracking, a romantic romp where Tioga County barkeep Natalie Portman shows Okie gas wrangler Seth Rogen that her love is as deep and wide as the Marcellus Shale, as natural and rich as the gas below."

Other movie suggestions? A colleague proposes a remake of the Natalie Wood-Warren Beatty 1961 weepie Splendor in the Grass, this version called Splendor in the Shale.

 --Karen Heller

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