Am I the only guy the country who thinks that:
1. The Phillies are in major trouble for 2012?
The last time I looked Ryan Howard was writhing on the ground with a torn achilles tendon and his 116 RBIs won't be available until deep into the season. And Raul Ibanez's 84 RBIs were let go.
Do the math -- that's 200 bleeping RBIs taken out of a lineup that scored the fewest runs of any Phillies team since 2002.
And people in this town are talking World Series?
Are you kidding?
2. Jeffrey Lurie is afraid to let Andy Reid go because he doubts his own ability to hire a decent replacement?
According to a report from New York's WFAN, the San Diego Chargers sought permission to talk to Reid about their combined GM - Coach job but Lurie barred the door so he could hang onto Reid.
Then the very next day he stands up in front of the assembled literati and says the season was "completely unacceptable."
Lurie also used the words "dismal" and "unfathomable" and described some of the losses as "ludicrous" and "terrible."
Then he said the architect of this disaster would be his coach next season. In other words, the season is totally unacceptable but Lurie's gonna accept it.
And ask you to pay for it.
3. Ryan Madson can't get a job because he stinks?
Madson is an unproven commoditity with one good season as a closer under his belt. He wants money equal to top closers, even though he only shed his "deer in the headlights" look two years ago.
4. Penn State's search committee should take until July if that's what it takes to get this right.
And forget what you've read about this guy or that guy being the leading choice. AD Dave Joyner said Monday there is no leading candidate and he's almost certainly being truthful. If the Lions wanted to hire Tom Clements or Bill O'Brien or Greg Roman, he'd be in State College looking for a house.
So with no top candidate after a month of searching for a man to lead one of college football's top positions — in terms of providing what it takes to win a national championship — there's only one conclusion to draw:
The search committee is waiting to talk to someone who is not yet available, either because his team is still in the BCS bowl picture or in the NFL playoffs.
I'm gonna take a wild guess and say Mike Munchak -- despite his earlier denials -- will inverview after the Tennessee Titans are done playing.
5. College football has joined MLS, regular-season NBA and pre-Stanley Cup NHL in complete irrelevance?
Since the BCS stole the college's premier attraction — New Year's Day — and replaced it with one game played day's later, college football has faded. There's one game that matters after Dec. 1.
And by the time LSU kicks off against Alabama on Monday, nobody north of Baton Rouge will remember why they're playing.
Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com