Lots of stuff to think about

Andy Reid is 5-7 in season openers as a head coach. (David Maialetti/Staff Photographer)

Things to think about.

DOES Ryan Madson ever retire the first batter?

NOW THAT weather has officially replaced football as the buzz topic in Happy Valley, can we get Joe Paterno to gracefully retire?

BREAKING NEWS: The Union played a gripping 0-0 tie with the Portland Timbers on Saturday.

SINCE Andy Reid is just 5-7 in season openers, why do Eagle fans expect an easy win Sunday at St. Louis?

NOW THAT the Phillies have essentially laid down the law to the rest of the snivelling National League, do the Eagles have a three-week window to grab back the attention of jaded Philadelphia fans?

BREAKING NEWS: The Union will play an emotional 0-0 with Columbus Crew on Sept. 17, The Inquirer has learned.

DOES TEMPLE really think that roasting those fabled Akron Zippers is a stepping stone to beating Penn State next week, especially since the Owls’ home field will turn into Happy Valley South?

HOW WILL Eagles fans react when the Birds lose at Atlanta next week and open the season 0-2? It’s a good thing this is a city known for patience.

PREDICTION: The Union will fight gamely against the Kansas City Wizards on Sept. 24th, only to end in a valiant, 0-0, tie.

HOW MANY shameless front runners will injure themselves frantically climbing back on board the band wagon if the Eagles rally to be 8-2 by Nov. 20th?

STOP THE PRESSES: The Union obliterate the New York Red Bulls, 1-0, on Oct. 20 in one of the highest-scoring games in MLS history.

FINALLY:  The Eagles will finish 11-5 and join the Falcons, Packers, Cardinals, Saints and Lions in the NFC playoff field.

The Packers and Falcons will get the byes and the Eagles will meet the Lions while the Saints face the Cardinals.

The Birds will dust off Detroit, 28-13, in the Wild Card Round while Kevin Kolb leads the Cardinals to a tumultuous 48-47 upset of the Saints.

And I was about to tell you who will win the Eagles-Arizona matchup but I see we’re out of time.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com