Am I the only guy the country who thinks that:

1. The Phillies are in major trouble for 2012?

The last time I looked Ryan Howard was writhing on the ground with a torn achilles tendon and his 116 RBIs won’t be available until deep into the season. And Raul Ibanez’s 84 RBIs were let go.

Do the math -- that’s 200 bleeping RBIs taken out of a lineup that scored the fewest runs of any Phillies team since 2002.

And people in this town are talking World Series?

Are you kidding?

2. Jeffrey Lurie is afraid to let Andy Reid go because he doubts his own ability to hire a decent replacement?

According to a report from New York’s WFAN, the San Diego Chargers sought permission to talk to Reid about their combined GM - Coach job but Lurie barred the door so he could hang onto Reid.

Then the very next day he stands up in front of the assembled literati and says the season was “completely unacceptable.”

Lurie also used the words “dismal” and “unfathomable” and described some of the losses as “ludicrous” and “terrible.”

Then he said the architect of this disaster would be his coach next season. In other words, the season is totally unacceptable but Lurie’s gonna accept it.

And ask you to pay for it.

3. Ryan Madson can’t get a job because he stinks?

Madson is an unproven commoditity with one good season as a closer under his belt.  He wants money equal to top closers, even though he only shed his “deer in the headlights” look two years ago.

4. Penn State’s search committee should take until July if that's what it takes to get this right.

And forget what you’ve read about this guy or that guy being the leading choice.  AD Dave Joyner said Monday there is no leading candidate and he’s almost certainly being truthful. If the Lions wanted to hire Tom Clements or Bill O’Brien or Greg Roman, he’d be in State College looking for a house.

So with no top candidate after a month of searching for a man to lead one of college football’s top positions — in terms of providing what it takes to win a national championship — there’s only one conclusion to draw:

The search committee is waiting to talk to someone who is not yet available, either because his team is still in the BCS bowl picture or in the NFL playoffs.

I’m gonna take a wild guess and say Mike Munchak -- despite his earlier denials -- will inverview after the Tennessee Titans are done playing.

5. College football has joined MLS, regular-season NBA and pre-Stanley Cup NHL in complete irrelevance?

Since the BCS stole the college’s premier attraction — New Year’s Day — and replaced it with one game played day’s later, college football has faded. There’s one game that matters after Dec. 1.

And by the time LSU kicks off against Alabama on Monday, nobody north of Baton Rouge will remember why they’re playing.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com

Andy Reid is hilarious. Catch his new standup act at a comedy club near you! Failing rapidly as a head coach, the soon-to-be ex-coach is branching out into a whole new career! Can tap dancing and juggling be far behind?

The possibilities for thigh-slapping Andy humor are endless:  Why are the Phillies and the Eagles the same?  Neither one of them can hit!  Ta dah! 

Feel free to add your own.  It's a game everybody can play.

But the laughs and fancy patter are just a sad attempt to divert attention away from the little man behind the curtain.  The wizard's latest creation is on full display -- the Birds have lost five straight games at home, seven of their last eight overall, and the one team they've beaten is 0-4.

The Eagles have hit the bottom. They're a public disgrace.  And no amount of tap dancing by their frantic head coach can disguise that.

If the Phillies win the World Series this year they'll have earned it.  No more playing out-manned Milwaukee, the choking Dodgers or the just-happy-to-be-there Rays. 

They had an easy projected path for a week or so, hoping to play the gagging Braves, the happy-to-be-there D'Backs and the ultra-chokers of all time, the look for the nearest exit Dead Sox. 

Now they'll actually have to play the hottest NL team in the wild card, a much tougher Milwaukee team and the hottest of 'em all -- those never-say-die former Devil Rays.

If it's anything like last night, it'll be a hell of a ride.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com 

Baseball awards, why you won't read a Phillies prediction here and a quick look at college football.

There are two serious debates in major league baseball on the season's final day.

One is whether Justin Verlander of Detroit should win both the AL Cy Young and MVP awards, a feat not accomplished in 20 years.

The other is whether to give a season-long non-contender the two major NL awards.

But first, let's clear up any local partisanship.  Most of you reading this probably agree that the National League's most valuable player is the Phillies starting rotation.  No other entity in the league comes close.  But these are individual awards, so Roy and Cliff and Cole and (yes) Vance will have to be content with winning the World Series.

In the real world of Cy Youngs and MVPs, the vote here will be Verlander for both AL awards.   That's partly based on the righthander winning the pitchers' Triple Crown (wins, strikeouts and ERA).  Since the award was instituted in 1956, every pitcher who won the Triple has also won the Cy Young Award, which is why Clayton Kershaw of the also ran Dodgers will be honored in the National League.

Verlander also should win the AL's MVP award, although that is much less likely.  No pitcher has won an MVP since Dennis Eckersly took both trophies home to Oakland in 1992.   But Verlander's total dominance, plus Detroit's rise to the top of the AL Central -- the Tigers were 14 games ahead entering the season's final day, the biggest lead of any divisional champion -- makes him an easy choice.

The other strong candidate is New York's Curtis Granderson, who has provided the type of power and run-production Yankee outfielders made famous.  Would the Bombers have made the post-season without him?  Perhaps not.  But there's no such indecision on Verlander -- without him Detroit would not be a significant factor.  A lot of fans will write off the Tigers when the playoffs start Friday night, but no team in baseball wants to face Verlander twice in a five-game series and three times in a seven-gamer.  No one.

The NL awards are perplexing and get more so the deeper into it you go.  Applying the same logic regarding pitching Triple Crown winners, Kershaw should be close to a unanimous vote.   And that's no dis-respect to Ian Kennedy, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee or Cole Hamels.  

But Kershaw's impending coronation makes the NL MVP choice even more difficult.  In a lot of seasons his Los Angeles teammate Matt Kemp would be the winner,  as he was a strong contender for the batting Triple Crown until the season's final weekend.

But no team has won both awards without making an official post-season appearance  since (ironically) the Dodgers' Maury Wills and Sandy Koufax took home the trophies in 1962.  And even then, they made it to a three-game playoff with San Francisco for the right to go to the World Series.   (Playoffs required to enter official post-season play are considered part of the regular season). 

And it's especially difficult to give both awards to players on a team that has not contended since Opening Day.    If Kemp had actually won the Triple Crown, there would be no debate, since it has become nearly as rare as a .400 batting average.

But without such an accomplishment, the NL award centers on Milwaukee.   Burly first baseman Prince Fielder entered play on Wednesday hitting .299, with 38 home runs (tied with Kemp for the league lead) and 120 RBIs (four fewer than Kemp).  He also has walked 106 times, three fewer than Cincinnati's 2010 MVP, Joey Votto.

Brewers leftfielder Ryan Braun entered the final-regular season game hitting .335, one point behind the Mets' Jose Reyes. Braun has 33 homers and 111 RBIs.  He also has 32 stolen bases, a good number for a big slugger.  (The amazing Kemp has 40 swipes, second to perennial league leader Michael Bourn.)  Braun has scored 109 runs, second to Kemp's 114.

It takes a strong stomach to vote against Kemp, whose season is one for the ages.  But most valuable connotes more than just statistics and what Braun and Fielder have done in Milwaukee edges the Dodger star.

The vote here is Braun, by a narrow margin, based on his contributions on the bases and in left.   If you want to vote for Fielder, I won't say you're wrong.

WHY NOT TWO AWARDS? The Braun-Fielder debate brings up another topic: whether baseball should add a Player of the Year award.  That could be awarded purely on numbers and this year's POY would surely be Kemp.  The Most Valuable Player award then could be based on total contributions and on team achievements.

WHY NO PHILLIES PICK?  Because the Phillies are impossible to define right now, beyond the obvious greatness of the rotation.  The hitting is so brutally inconsisent, it's impossible to make a valid prediction.  The hitters could go instantly cold on Saturday and let, say, Ian Kennedy put them in an immediate hole.

There also is the recent shakiness in the bullpen, meaning Michael Stutes and Antonio Bastardo.  Neither can be counted upon in a critical situation against another good team.  And whether Ryan Madson can close in such situations also is impossible to predict.

In another era, the Phillies still would be overwhelming favorites, because managers up through the 1970s would send out Halladay, Lee, Hamels and Roy Oswalt and let 'em go nine.  No fuss, no muss.  And they'd almost certainly win it. 

But given the intrusion of pitch counts, closers, set up men and one-out specialists, that reliance on the great starting arms seems unlikely.

Hopefully ultra-patient Charlie Manuel, who sat stolidly in the dugout last October and allowed his choking hitters to flail away unsuccessfully without making a move or blinking an eye, will give his starting pitchers the same courtesy this time around.

Could the Phillies storm to the world championship by going 11-3 again, ala 2008?  Absolutely.  But could they also fall silent and lose critical games 2-1 or 1-0?  Yes they could.

Find out which Phillies team shows up in October is why they play the games.

FAST FACTS:  Chase Utley's post-season batting average is .243 (including .186 against the Giants last October);  Jimmy Rollins' is .226; Ryan Howard's is a respectible .278.  (Most fans would be shocked to know that Ryan hit a sturdy .318 against the Giants last fall; all they recall is his 12 strikeouts).  Raul Ibanez has hit .247 in the post-season with the Phillies (.211 against San Francisco). Placido Polanco, a career .301 hitter, batted .206 last October, his only post-season with the Phillies;  his career post-season average is .273, including an incomprehensible 0 for 17 with the Tigers in the 2006 World Series.  Irreplacable catcher Carlos Ruiz has batted a solid .280 in four post-season trips, but was just .167 against the Giants last year).

So without a single accomplished post-season hitter (Hunter Pence has never made it), the Phillies' starters have their work cut out for them.

Right about now, Chase Utley fans have steam spurting out of their ears and are screaming "what about the 2009 World Series -- he hit five homers in that one, pal!"  But anyone who thinks the oft-injured second baseman still has that kind of power hasn't been watching for a couple of years.   Utley has had one post-season homer since, and had just one lonely RBI in the six games against San Francisco last October.

QUICK PIX:  Toledo 21, Temple 17; Penn State 23, Indiana 22; Eagles 27, 49ers 24.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com

Welcome to the club, Eagles fans.

Now you know how Penn State fans have felt for the last 13 years — the problem is the coach and he’s untouchable.

Venting your spleen against Andy Reid may be fun and internally satisfying, but it doesn’t change a damm thing in the real world.  He’s welded into his seat.

Enjoy!

BUILDING A TRADITION: The shoddy loss to the under-manned Giants on Sunday shouldn’t really have surprised anyone. Losing the home opener is an Andy Reid staple. This was the ninth home-opener loss in Reid’s 13 seasons, including the last three straight and four of the last five.

If you’re keeping score at home that’s a loss to Arizona in 1999, a loss to the Giants to welcome the 2000s, a loss to St. Louis (‘01), a win over Dallas (‘02), a loss to Tampa Bay (‘03), a win over the Giants (‘04) followed by a win over San Francisco (‘05), a loss to the Giants (‘06), a loss to the Redskins (‘07), a win over the Rams (‘08), a loss to New Orleans (‘09), a loss to Green Bay (‘10) and the odoriferous loss on Sunday.

Are we having fun yet?

GUEST COMMENTATOR: Former colleague Nick Fierro, now with The Morning Call in Allentown, had a wonderful assessment of the Birds’ stinker in Monday’s paper.

“Bewildering defensive play, suspect preparation, unfathomable decision-making and awful game-day adjustments have landed perhaps the most talented collection of players in Eagles' franchise history in the NFC East basement after just three games.”

Lay it on ‘em, Nicco.

JUST WONDERING: Nnamdi Asomugha was the league’s best cover corner — a lock down corner — for eight years in Oakland’s man-to-man coverage. So why are the Eagles playing him in a zone where he looks lost?

FUNNY STUFF from former colleague Tim Panaccio, now tossing off barbs for Comcast: “Andy Reid's presser [Sunday] was shorter than Detroit's 5-min PP vs. #flyers on Fri night.”

FUNNY BASEBALL STAT: The Red Sox are 2-18 this month when they don't score 12 runs or more. (Courtesy of SI.com’s Peter King).

WARNING TO OWLS FANS: Temple will need to watch out for Toledo this Saturday. The Owls are coming off two of the most emotional games in their history — from both ends of the spectrum — while Toledo slinks into town a soft-looking 1-3.

But the Rockets have lost to Ohio State (27-22 in Columbus!), high-flying Boise State and in a massive controversy last Saturday at Syracuse, where an official admitted he blew a call that handed Toledo a 33-30 loss in OT.

If ever a team came to town slobbering for revenge, this is it. And it will be impossible for Temple to re-create the emotional high it had for both Penn State and Maryland.

This has all the makings of a serious upset, and will challenge Steve Addazio’s coaching skills.

And yes, Penn State fans still remember the 24-6 embarrassment Toledo laid on ‘em in Beaver Stadium in 2000.  It was one of the first cracks in Paterno’s aura.

QUOTABLE. Giants defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka on Michael Vick’s claim that officials don’t protect him the way they protect other QBs.

“I understand his frustration,” Kiwanuka told the Star-Ledger of Newark. “Nobody wants to get hit that many times. I just feel like if you’re going to be the kind of guy who’s going to tuck the ball and run, once you put the ball away, they can’t protect you as a quarterback anymore. You give that right up. If he’s going to stay in the pocket and just pass the ball, then he’d have an argument. But once you put that ball away … “

THE ULTIMATE INSULT: A new billboard will go up near iconic Lambeau Field on Tuesday to warn Green Bay Packer fans about the potentially fatal health risks associated with eating too much cheese.

(Yes, they’re telling Cheesehead denizens of the Dairy State to stop eating so much cheese. No, I am not making this up.)

Sponsored by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, the sign shows the Grim Reaper wearing a cheesehead hat with the message: "Warning: Cheese Can Sack Your Health. Fat. Cholesterol. Sodium."

The nonprofit group, which promotes a vegan diet and has a history of provocative food campaigns, sent a letter to Green Bay Mayor Jim Schmitt asking him to require warning labels on all high-fat, cheesy food at Lambeau.

The stadium’s dairy-rich menu includes cheese curds and Cheesehead soup, which is a cheddar cheese soup made with beer and topped with more cheese.

Shockingly, the mayor dismissed the idea.

I’ve got news for the nice people who planned this campaign:  it is the inalienable right of American males to attend violent sporting events and to destroy their bodies with cholesterol, fat, salt and alcohol while doing so.

And if American women want to act like imbeciles, too, we welcome their company!

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com

IT’S ABOUT TIME: It took tough guy Cole Hamels to say what every pitcher on the staff was thinking after Saturday’s craven display by the Phillies non-hitters.

Hamels – perhaps the least likely guy in the clubhouse to call out his teammates – couldn’t stand it after the stinkeroo laid in New York. 

After the game the lefthander said the pitchers are ready to go out and throw three straight nine-inning shutouts. "That’s our plan, so everybody just needs to get on board."

Before you weep and cry that dissention is rearing its ugly head, consider this – it’s about bleeping time. The Phillies hitters collapsed like a rotten pumpkin last October against San Francisco and Charlie sat their eating sun flower seeds and let ‘em do it.

At least Hamels, often derided as a California pretty boy, stood up and said ‘enough of this bleep.’

It’s okay to remind ourselves that this is spring training and that these games don’t count.  But how the players perform does count.  When Chase Utley and Shane Victorino go to the plate, they’re trying to get hits.  They’re not saying ‘hey, it’s just an exhibition game.’   So let's dismiss the argument that it's spring training in September. 

Check out the recent batting averages in Ray Parrillo's game story from New York after the eighth straight embarrassment. The Phillies have scored three or fewer runs in 14 of their last 16 games. 

Since this team no longer has the type of grinders that can manufacture runs, or the power hitters who can club other teams to death, it’s incumbent on Charlie to stand up to the millionaires and change the lineup – no matter whose corns get stepped on.   John Mayberry should hit third instead of Utley.  That way there would be a righty hitter on both sides of Ryan Howard, whose prolonged absense has shown how valuable he really is.  Since the Phillies don't really have a leadoff hitter, it's hard to fix that hole.  Usually you would just go with the hot bat.  So that problem may not be solvable.  Which leaves it up to Mayberry, Howard, Hunter Pence and anybody else who, as Hamels said, wants to get aboard. 

THAT’S THE LINE?  The latest line on the Eagles-Giants game at the Linc on Sunday makes the Birds an eight point favorite.

I know the Gints are hurting and the Eagles have beaten them seven straight times.  But that’s far too many points for a divisional rivalry.  Unless the bookies know something.  Know what I mean?

 FINALLY:  Looks like this will be the second straight year where Penn State's "prestige" win is over Temple.  How the mighty have fallen.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com

Why doesn’t the Big East stop whining and show some backbone by going after Duke and North Carolina from the ACC?

Instead of worrying  about which football rats are going to flee the sinking ship, grab Kansas from the Big Leftover and build a basketball conference to rival Tobacco Road.

If Kansas was brought in – and the nation’s most historic basketball power may have nowhere else to go – then UConn might stay in the Big East.  Ditto Notre Dame.

Then Villanova, Georgetown, Marquette and the other Catholic schools would have a league that also included Duke, North Carolina, Kansas and UConn.

Tell me there’s a better basketball conference out there than that.

And let big football deal with an angry congress when somebody from a left out team or conference screams “illegal monopoly.”

IS IT JUST ME, or are the Phillies unwatchable right now?  I know these games don’t count but shouldn’t a team show some heart or pride as it enters the playoffs?  The top six hitters in the lineup tonight were a sizzling 1 for 19! Nothing like showing a little heart behind Cliff Lee.

Those clutch-hittin' Phils have scored just 14 runs behind Lee in his eight losses. They've probably cost him the Cy Young Award --- Lee has allowed four earned runs TOTAL in his last three starts but is 0-1 with two no-decisions. Shameful.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com

Less than three years removed from the NFC title game, Donovan McNabb looks more and more like a guy who’s at the end of the line.

SI.com’s Don Banks said McNabb's massive fade is the worst he can recall.

“Has anyone in recent memory suddenly lost more luster off their resume than McNabb, who put up a statistical line in San Diego that seemed like it had to be a typo?" Banks asked on Tuesday.

“In an NFL that's more wide-open in the passing game than ever, McNabb somehow managed to play an entire game and throw for just 39 yards (7 of 15 with one touchdown and one interception) in the 24-17 loss to the Chargers, a game the Vikings actually led 17-7 into the third quarter.

“Michael Vick and Kevin Kolb both started and won their games in Week 1, but McNabb, the one-time Eagles franchise QB, looks like a shell of his former self.”

BRADY WAS UNBELIEVABLE. As great as Tom Brady was on Monday night, when he threw for the fifth-highest yardage total in NFL history at 517, he could have been even better.

An illegal formation penalty cost New England a 41-yard completion to tight end Rob Gronkowski in the first quarter.

If his teammates had lined up properly, Brady would have been at 558 when he left the game and broken Norm Van Brocklin's record of 554 yards passing for the Los Angeles Rams in 1951.

MORE VAN BROCKLIN. Ironically, the Dutchman’s record performance also came on opening day, when the Rams blitzed the New York Yankees (this is not a mis-print), 54-14.

Van Brocklin, then in his third season, started that day only because veteran Bob Waterfield was injured, but he made the most of his opportunity. He completed 27 of 41 passes and tossed five touchdowns — four to Elroy "Crazylegs" Hirsch.

OH, JAWS! Verbosity has its place and former Eagles QB Ron Jaworski has made a second career of high volume chatter about football.
But the Monday Night Football analyst had to apologize on air after accidentally dropping a crude word during the broadcast from Miami.

Talking about an incomplete pass by Dolphins quarterback Chad Henne in their blowout loss to the Patriots on ESPN, Jaworski casually uttered a gross word before saying, “You have to get rid of this ball.”
Jaws apologized later in the fourth quarter.

A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING. Ryan Fitzpatrick went to Harvard and played last season in Buffalo. So when he finished Sunday’s improbable 41-7 win at Kansas City by taking a knee to run out the clock, he told coach Chan Gailey it was the first time he had ever finished a game by kneeling down.

STAT OF THE DAY. Kevin Kolb was 18 for 27 for 309 yards on Sunday for Arizona and his 11.44 per pass attempt was the NFL's highest in Week 1.

MILESTONE OF THE WEEK.  This from Peter King of SI.com: “On a day Kerry Collins got pulverized and was almost wholly ineffective, he had 197 passing yards and passed Joe Montana into 10th place on the all-time passing-yards list, with 40,638.”

Collins is a graduate of Wilson High in Berks County, as is Chad Henne of the Dolphins.  How many other high schools in the U.S. have ever had two starting QBs in the NL at the same time?

FINALLY. It wasn’t just the Eagles who drafted a guy who couldn't get on the field on opening week. The Birds’ top draft pick, guard Danny Watkins, didn’t dress for the opener, but he wasn’t alone — nine of the 32 first-rounders didn’t play Sunday, with five of them inactive.

But the Eagles probably were the only team with its three top picks all relegated to inactive status.  Safety Jaiquawn Jarrett of Temple and cornerback Curtis Marsh of Utah State didn't pass opening day muster, either.

It's waaaaay too early to label anybody a bust.  But com'on guys!  0 for the first 3 rounds?

On the other hand, Chris Neild, a nose tackle from West Virginia taken by the Redskins with the next-to-last overall pick in the whole draft, had two sacks and forced a fumble despite playing just a handful of snaps.

Contact Don McKee at dmckee@phillynews.com