That was the most awful Idol experience ever! It didn't work as music and it sure didn't work as television.
Asking these kids to sing Andrew Lloyd Webber's cloying show tunes is like recruiting a flock of pigeons to play volleyball.
You knew it was going to be bad right from the beginning when Ryan Seasick proudly showed off the expanded orchestra. A full string section, just what this show needed.
I feared it would be hard to keep my attention on the Idol action, what with the final six taking on the unlikely challenge of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Broadway musical bombast.
Plus, another voters' choice, only a gazillion times more important, was playing out on every other TV channel.
But the truth is, Webber's pop operatic theatrics weren't really that much "out of the comfort zone" of the contestants, Ryan's words of warning not withstanding. And by commercial break three, CNN had given the Pennsylvania primary to Hillary - keeping her Hope alive and letting me concentrate fully on the final two or three contestants, who were actually best of the night.
No Season 7 news so far today (though I'll be mouthing off in Tuesday's paper about what I think is wrong with "Idol" now).
We do, however, have Season 6 news:
-- The New York Post is reporting that "Idol" winner Jordin Sparks may have a career-ending injury after the young singer had to cancel a gig at Penn State.
How about that shell game last night? First Ryan Seasurge splits the kids into two groups with David Archuleta as the tie-breaker. Obviously whichever side of the stage Archuleta goes to is the safe side.
Then at the very last minute, Seabunk asks David Cook and Syesha Mercado to switch places, completely shifting the balance of power.
Then Seaflush makes little Davey pick the side that he thinks is safe. What an intolerable position to put the kid in! So of course, he sat down. It was like a scene from Norma Rae. Thanks for bringing the show to a screeching halt, Ryan.
Is David Archuleta happy? Sure he is. (Are they holding a loved one hostage backstage? Because that's what it looks like from where I"m sitting.)
And, Ryan having mixed up the sheep and goats, we now have our bottom three: Brooke White, Kristy Lee Cook and Syesha Mercado.
After the usual break, we learn that Kristy Lee is finally free of this weekly torture.
Poor Elliott. First he loses his mother, then he has to deal with Ryan's condolences.
And then the emo-robot goes back to separating the sheep from the goats.
Brooke White joins the Cooks on Ryan's left, Syesha's sent to stand with Carly and Jason.
We're reminded that Mariah Carey "wants everyone to win, in some way."
Unless that way involves some of them winning after they've returned home, I don't think that's going to happen.
With seven contestants remaining -- and one going home tonight! -- Ryan's revived the old "form a group to my left," or as I like to call it, "sheep and goats."
Here's your American Idol quiz from last night's show:
Who said this and to whom?
"Every ounce of you is very authentic to who you are."