A kiss is just another opportunity to return to third grade

At least we can be sure that Paula knew that the first girl Simon ever kissed -- he was 9 -- was going to call into the show tonight, because she has one of those lines she, at least, would consider clever, asking the woman if she'd gotten over "the rabies.

And we know ad-libbing is not her strong point.

It's not clear, though, that Simon saw it coming, because he seems genuinely surprised.