Don't Cry for Me, Archuleta!

That was the most awful Idol experience ever! It didn't work as music and it sure didn't work as television.

Asking these kids to sing Andrew Lloyd Webber's cloying show tunes is like recruiting a flock of pigeons to play volleyball.

You knew it was going to be bad right from the beginning when Ryan Seasick proudly showed off the expanded orchestra. A full string section, just what this show needed.

It's always a bad sign when Randy Jackson is the person making the most sense. After calling Jason Castro's asthmatic version of "Memory" a "trainwreck", Randy observed, "It's not your thing, dude."

D'uh! You think? Why did they inflict this awful punishment on these kids? Trained music theater pros sound awful singing the music from Cats and Phantom of the Opera and Starlight Express. What chance do immature amateur vocalists have?

As a composer, Webber makes Barry Manilow look like Burt Bacharach. Sheer torture.

At the top of the show, Ryan Seastink described the evening to come as a "daunting task". I fully agree, if by "daunting" he meant nauseating.

Hey honey, Idol is on tonight. Do we have any Pepto?

For more of my thoughts on last night's Idol, go to: