Here's your American Idol quiz from last night's show:
Who said this and to whom?
"Every ounce of you is very authentic to who you are."
Easy, right? That was Paula Abdul speaking to Brooke White. Paula-speak, it's sweeping the nation.
Try this one:
"I wish I was at that luau, listening all night."
It was Paula again, to Jason Castro after Randy implied that his wifty version of "I Don't Want to Cry" sounded like a pig-roast on a beach.
But the best quote from the evening came when Mariah Carey counseled Brooke that all she had to do was "be real". That's like having a fish tell you to stay dry. I bow to no one in my appreciation of Carey's voice, but what would she know about being real? She's like a hoochie-mama tsunami, all high-heels and silicone.
Of course, none of this mattered. Idol at this point is nothing more than the baffling ongoing coronation of David Cook. I just don't get it. All the judges are wetting themselves over his "originality". All the guy does is make every song he touches sound like Filter. It's the same treatment week in and week out.
But I don't want to get too cynical here. When Cook started crying last night after the judges' comments, I thought that was a genuine and touching moment.
For more of my thoughts on last night's Idol, go to: