Thursday, April 24, 2014
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Attention Cole Hamels: Councilman Green feels the MVP trophy belongs to him

Councilman Bill Green takes credit for the Phillies victory this week. Tongue in cheek, sure, but still pretty, um, bold. Press release below.

Attention Cole Hamels: Councilman Green feels the MVP trophy belongs to him

Councilman Bill Green takes credit for the Phillies victory this week. Tongue in cheek, sure, but still pretty, um, bold. Press release below.

PHILADELPHIA, PA – The entire city of Philadelphia is celebrating the Philadelphia Phillies' first World Series Championship since 1980. The Phillies' Wednesday night victory over the Tampa Bay Rays ended the 25-year drought of major sports championships in the City of Brotherly Love.

Many fans blamed the lack of championships on the “Curse of William Penn,” which was purportedly cast upon the city when the gentlemen’s agreement not to build higher than City Hall was broken by the construction of Liberty Place in the mid-1980s. However, experts point to another connection as the catalyst for the Phillies’ victory – “the Curse of William Green.”

“The last two championships the City won came under the watchful eye of Mayor William J. Green, III,” noted one sports historian. “It was a wonderful time to be a Philadelphia sports fan – two championships in only a three year span. However, all of that sports glory ended once Green decided not to seek re-election.”

Experts believe that the curse was effectively broken when Mayor Green’s son, Councilman Bill Green, was sworn into office in January 2008 – ten months later, the Phillies won. “Voters knew that the only way to guarantee a parade down Broad Street was to elect another William Green into office,” observed Councilman Bill Green. “The Phillies had a lot of talent and tremendous heart this year and we are extremely proud of their amazing season. Thanks should also be given to all of those voters who checked box #79 on election day.”

When his fellow council members were polled, many of them reluctantly acknowledged that the election of another Green to City Hall may have played a part in bringing a championship back to the city. “The curse of William Green is one of those things that everyone knows about, but doesn’t speak about. The concern is that the more people who believe in it, the stronger the curse becomes,” stated one councilmember who wished to remain anonymous.

Councilman Bill Greenlee noted, “After Bill was elected, there was a sense of relief, but also trepidation. What if the curse was too strong, too established? Many of my colleagues wanted to lock Bill in the tower during the Phillies playoff run, ‘just to be extra sure’ the curse would be broken. Fortunately, it appears that such an extreme measure, while popular, was unnecessary.”

The Phillies victory now allows Councilman Green the option of seeking re-election. During the campaign, Councilman Green had guaranteed that his election would result in a championship on both the Bob Rovner radio show and to Daily News reporter Stu Bykofsky. Green promised not to run for re-election if the championship drought continued through his first term. Reflecting on this promise, one anonymous councilmember opined, “As much as I love the Phillies, I could have waited another four years for a World Series.”

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The Philadelphia Inquirer's Troy Graham and Bob Warner and Claudia Vargas take you inside Philadelphia's City Hall.

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