Parents: The case for when you should do nothing

As parents, we want our kids to be successful adults, so we're constantly working hard to ensure they are getting the best head start they can! I've talked previously about working and growing kids' brains , but when I think about what makes a successful adult brain, it's all about wanting to learn new things, and gaining self–understanding.

As adults, we tend to gain skills and self-knowledge from structured activities like reading and writing, as well as unstructured activities like meeting new friends.  Turns out, our kids learn the same way! When it comes to developing good brains, it's all about varying the use. That is, in order to not overtax the brain, learning should be varied. Adult brains can get overused, which can result in brains that slowly lose the ability to think overtime. Kids brains also struggle to think clearly when used too much. How do we vary the ways in which they learn to avoid overuse? We let them teach themselves.

We expect a lot from our kids these days. With an emphasis on being goal-directed and driven from such a young age, they don't get a chance to explore their interests, decide what kind of person they want to be, or, in this case, balance academic learning with social and emotional learning.

In trying to provide our kids the best opportunities for brain growth, we may have missed the secret ingredient: when we leave our kids alone, they learn. It gives them the opportunity to figure out how and what they want to learn. With my own kids, I have seen boredom turn into exploration, dirt turn into mud pies, and paper turn into inspired works of art.

By not planning every minute of every day, children naturally become inquisitive. They learn what to do and what not to do. This learning is stronger than anything we could provide them in other formats, because it is based on an emotional and creative experience. That's the best recipe for strong, anchored brain connections!

Although you may hear some initial complaining when you take away structured activities, it will be worth it in the long run! Try to remove yourself using planned ignoring strategies or set limits to complaining. You can also remove yourself from the environment as long as your children are in a safe setting.

Here are more ways that you can create these opportunities for your kids:

1. Have unstructured play dates. Rather than planning activities as parents, let the kids decide what they want to do once they get there.  You'll be surprised what types of activities they come up with!

2. Send your kids outside and let them get dirty. Have you ever tried rolling around in the dirt? Sounds messy to me, but that's how my kids' friends learned about fireflies, and where they go during the day. I had never thought about it! If it's not safe to send them outside, take them to a secure playground.

3. Give your kids inspiration items. Let them use a paintbrush or a piece of wood any way they would like. Suddenly the wood is a rocket ship, and the paintbrush is a mustache.

4. Let your kids be bored. There are connections between boredom and creativity, problem solving, and building skills. As adults, when we get bored, we take action—get involved in a new activity, or suddenly come up with a way to solve that problem at work. Boredom can sharpen the brain and promote clarity in thinking, and that's true for kids as well.

Knowing this, the next time you feel pressure to plan an activity for your kids, try something new—don't do anything! Let them learn how to inspire and create on their own. Their brains will thank you!

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