How can I make my 'home climate' more positive?

What is the climate in your home? Not if it's hot or cold, but rather its overall "feel." Do the people in your home feel respected and empowered to communicate openly? Is the environment positive, warm and welcoming? Is it a climate built on empathy?

Researchers have been studying the benefits of a positive climate in schools for decades. The National School Climate Center defines a positive school climate as "a safe, supportive environment that nurtures social and emotional, ethical, and academic skills." The research on the benefits of a positive school climate on student academic, social and emotional development is vast. Positive school climates have been associated with decreases in bullying and aggression, and increases in graduation rates, academic performance and positive social functioning.

As a school psychologist, I support schools in assessing their climate and implementing efforts to promote a more positive school climate. Recently, during one of these school visits, I started thinking about the importance of home climate. Here are some areas that parents (myself included) should consider when attempting to foster a more positive home climate:

1. Safety: Feeling safe is the foundation for which all other skills are built. Children and adults need to feel physically and emotionally safe to prosper. Physical safety can include discipline procedures that are positive practices and do not include physical punishment. Emotional safety can include being able to communicate their honest feelings without fear of retribution or emotional manipulation. When children feel safe they are able to actively explore their environment and openly communicate their wants and needs. Feeling safe fosters honesty and trust. If you want a child to be more open and honest, they must feel safe to do so.

2. Rules and Norms: What are the rules in your house? Are there expected norms of behavior that everyone in the house follows? Think about the last time you were out to dinner or were at a business meeting. How did you know how to behave and what was expected? You had previously experienced the social norms and behavioral expectations so you knew what was appropriate. The same holds for our home. Positive home climates include rules that everyone follows, such as respectful language, respecting property, or eating dinner at the table together. Ask your kids what the rules of your home are, you may get some humorous, eye opening responses. Then start by creating positively stated norms and expectations that everyone follows.

3. Respect: Positive work, home, and school environments are built on positive relationships and a culture of mutual respect. Children learn respect by being shown respect and being explicitly taught respectful behavior. When we model empathy, respect, and value for feelings to our children, we teach them to do the same.

A positive home climate is the responsibility of all family members. All members contribute to the climate and share in the creation of a more positive one. Improving home climates has far reaching implications, as the climate in our home leaks out into the external climate and vice versa.

Mother's Day weekend, my toddler son fell on the concrete and scraped his elbow while running along the sidewalk after brunch. I picked him up and was carrying him to the car as he was crying. While I was walking, a little girl came up to my son and me with a super hero Band-Aid and asked, "Do you need this?" I replied, "Thank you, how did you know?" Her mother said she had seen my son fall. Their home climate of respect and empathy leaked into the community, and we were better off for it. Whether she knew it or not, that mother taught her daughter such a valuable lesson about empathy and kindness, and it reflected on my son and daughter as well.

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