How can I prepare my daughter for puberty?
Here's advice on how you can talk to your daughter about puberty.
You know your child is going to hit puberty, so the smart parent talks with the child about her body from the time she's in diapers. But if you've waited until your daughter is sprouting breast buds, it's time to get caught up!
Puberty is when hormonal changes trigger the development of secondary sex characteristics, such as wide hips or breasts in females, and facial hair and stronger muscle tone in males. The sexual and reproductive organs also change. The changes heighten the ability to experience sexual stimulation, and enable the body to reproduce. For a child, this can be a delightful time of pride in their own maturing body, or a terrifying time of incomprehensible changes. In the United States, puberty can start as early as 8; the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests that a boy see a physician if there are no signs of puberty by age 14, and a girl by age 13.
A few key pieces of information can make all the difference to a child's comfort as her body changes. Today's article focuses on girls; we offered advice for parents of boys earlier this year. Both genders, however, need information about the other, and you should share them as matters of medical fact.
People tend to focus on the reproductive changes when they think of puberty, s in this post, I'll cover some less discussed issues. Find a resource on menstrual hygiene from the American Academy of Pediatrics here, and advice you young girls here.
When we think of boys and puberty we think of erections and often neglect the fact that young women need to understand sexual arousal as much as boys do. A critical fact to tell kids of either gender is that sexual arousal is an autonomic reflexive response, controlled by the part of their brain that controls things like breathing – it just happens involuntarily in response to a stimulus of some sort. The first sign of sexual arousal in a female is vaginal lubrication. Girls who don't understand sexual arousal are at risk to mistake healthy vaginal secretions for an infection, then over-cleaning their genitals or dousing themselves with potentially harmful products. Help your daughter avoid this with a good discussion on vaginal health. You may find this diagram explaining the physiology of vaginal health to be helpful!
Too many young girls who don't understand that the warm or strong feeling they feel in their lower abdomen or genitals is autonomic arousal and not an emotional reaction at all. Girls who don't understand this (like boys) can mistake lust for love and become susceptible to inappropriate relationships. Worse yet, there are predators (known as ephebophiles) who are sexually attracted to teens and exploit this ignorance!
Girls are as likely as boys to come across pornography on the internet, and experience autonomic arousal. Check out this advice from Prevent Child Abuse America on this growing problem.
Puberty may also mark the initiation of some form of dating, so be sure to talk to your child about making conscious decisions about her sexual activity. Girls who don't understand arousal may be surprised at the strength of their feelings from kissing or petting, but sex-wise parents can tell them that arousal of either partner doesn't mean that additional sexual activity is a good idea. Decisions about sexual activity should be made in advance of the actual experience. Parents should share their values and beliefs about safe and age -appropriate sexual behaviors, and remind a daughter to stay far away from partners who refuse to take "NO" for an answer.
There are so many issues to cover! Find more ideas and resources in my book, The Sex-Wise Parent! Never underestimate the role of parental involvement and advice is promoting sexual health and safety for your kids.
Rosenzweig is also author of The Parent's Guide to Talking About Sex: A Complete Guide to Raising (Sexually) Safe, Smart, and Healthy Children. For more information, read her blog , follow @JanetRosenzweig on Twitter.
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