Bed, Bath & Beyond
The government is now banning bath salts; some think this is intrusion beyond the pale.
Bed, Bath & Beyond
(A brief discussion twixt Baer & Baer's editor, a.k.a. BE)
BE: I am REALLY steamed today!
JB: Why would today be different?
BE: I just read that the Legislature has passed and the Governor has signed a law banning bath salts.
JB: You read correctly, His Corbettness signed it yesterday afternoon.
BE: This is an outrage! This is another example of government intrusion going way too far into our personal lives! Our bedrooms! Now our bathrooms! What's next?
BE: I'm serious. I love a good bath with Burt's Bees bath salts and essential oils. It helps release the lactic acid after a run or a workout. Now what do I do now?
JB: Maybe they'll ban lactic acid.
BE: I'M LOOKING FOR ANSWERS HERE!
JB: Well, actually, boss, the bath salts now banned are not the bath salts you buy from Burt.
JB: No. They're designer drugs sold as bath salts, usually containing something called MDPV, a hallucinogen often marketed under names such as White Girl and Ivory Snow. It's effect is not unlike cocaine's.
BE: Oh, well, that's different.
BE: Wait, wait. Elder Vogel? The man who wants in my bathroom is Elder Vogel? What is this, some sort of Children of the Corn movie?
JB: Actually, he's a dairy farmer. Fourth generation. Represents parts of far-west counties counties such as Beaver and Lawrence. And he's chairman of the Senate Agriculture & Rural Affairs Committee.
BE: How is this an agricultural issue?
JB: More like a straight-shooter issue. For example, U.S. Sen. Bob Casey who, as you know, walks silently in shadows until facing re-election, issued a press release yesterday congratulating lawmakers and the Guv on the ban.
BE: Oh, brother. I think the whole country's going down the toilet.
JB: Ha! Good one, boss.