Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Bed, Bath & Beyond

The government is now banning bath salts; some think this is intrusion beyond the pale.

Bed, Bath & Beyond

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(A brief discussion twixt Baer & Baer's editor, a.k.a. BE)

BE: I am REALLY steamed today!

JB: Why would today be different?

BE: I just read that the Legislature has passed and the Governor has signed a law banning bath salts.

JB: You read correctly, His Corbettness signed it yesterday afternoon.

BE: This is an outrage! This is another example of government intrusion going way too far into our personal lives! Our bedrooms! Now our bathrooms! What's next?

JB: Beyond?

BE: I'm serious. I love a good bath with Burt's Bees bath salts and essential oils. It helps release the lactic acid after a run or a workout. Now what do I do now?

JB: Maybe they'll ban lactic acid.

BE: I'M LOOKING FOR ANSWERS HERE!

JB: Well, actually, boss, the bath salts now banned are not the bath salts you buy from Burt.

BE: No?

JB: No. They're designer drugs sold as bath salts, usually containing something called MDPV, a hallucinogen often marketed under names such as White Girl and Ivory Snow. It's effect is not unlike cocaine's.

BE: Oh, well, that's different.

JB: It is. Here's the story of the bill-signing. And here's the bill's main sponsor, Sen. Elder Vogel.

BE: Wait, wait. Elder Vogel? The man who wants in my bathroom is Elder Vogel? What is this, some sort of Children of the Corn movie?

JB: Actually, he's a dairy farmer. Fourth generation. Represents parts of far-west counties counties such as Beaver and Lawrence. And he's chairman of the Senate Agriculture & Rural Affairs Committee.

BE: How is this an agricultural issue?

JB: More like a straight-shooter issue. For example, U.S. Sen. Bob Casey who, as you know, walks silently in shadows until facing re-election, issued a press release yesterday congratulating lawmakers and the Guv on the ban.

BE: Oh, brother. I think the whole country's going down the toilet.

JB: Ha! Good one, boss.

 

 

 

 

Daily News Political Columnist
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About this blog
John Baer has been covering politics and government for the Daily News since 1987. The National Journal in 2002 called Baer one of the country's top 10 political journalists outside Washington, saying Baer has, "the ability to take the skin off a politician without making it hurt too much." E-mail John at baerj@phillynews.com.

John is the author of the book "On The Front Lines of Pennsylvania Politics: Twenty-Five Years of Keystone Reporting" (The History Press, 2012). Reach John at baerj@phillynews.com.

John Baer Daily News Political Columnist
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