Don't Anger the Breast Goddess

The Lactivists are at it again, making sure that anyone who insults the She-Goddess Mammary be severely punished.

Like the pagans of Soddom and Got-Milka?,  Lactivists worship at the altar of the Sacred Breast, and wage war against anyone who has the audacity to worship false deities like Enfamil, Simulac and the dreaded Lipil.

Whenever they see anyone employing the tools of these heretical religions, like rubber nipples or plastic bottles, they rise up and smite the infidel.

They sue anyone, like Starbucks, for example, that has the audacity to prevent them from breastfeeding in public, seeing this as an infringement of their right to religious (and litigious) freedom.

They intimidate mothers who, for whatever reason, choose not to give junior the teat treat.

And they attack well-meaning daddies who show up in anti-smoking ads feeding their little babies with….get ready for the exorcism!....a bottle.

This sad, recent episode took place in New Zealand, where a soccer player posed for a photograph with his little girl in a campaign against smoking.  In the ad, Piri Weepu talks about how he’ll never smoke again because he has children in the house…one of whom is…horror of horrors..DRINKING FROM A BOTTLE.

The La Leche League in New Zealand went ballistic and forced the ad to be withdrawn.

And so, the sensitive faithful were spared the apocalyptic sight of a father loving his child.

Praise be to the Goddes!

We encourage respectful comments but reserve the right to delete anything that doesn't contribute to an engaging dialogue
Help us moderate this thread by flagging comments that violate our guidelines

Comment policy:

Philly.com comments are intended to be civil, friendly conversations. Please treat other participants with respect and in a way that you would want to be treated. You are responsible for what you say. And please, stay on topic. If you see an objectionable post, please report it to us using the "Report Abuse" option.

Please note that comments are monitored by Philly.com staff. We reserve the right at all times to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable. Personal attacks, especially on other participants, are not permitted. We reserve the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions.

Additionally comments that are long, have multiple paragraph breaks, include code, or include hyperlinks may not be posted.

Load comments
Continue Reading