Wanted to love Country Strong (read my review here), but it was a shot of alcohol-free Jack Daniels. Only after I filed my review did it hit me what went wrong: Kelly Canter, the Britney Spears in cowboy boots played by Gwyneth Paltrow, was too sympathetic, insufficiently diva-esque. She has only two diva moments, and they're the best things in the film: 1) After killing onstage in her strappy lurex gown, Paltrow slinks past Leighton Meester, playing a Kelly Canter wannabe, and murmurs, "That's how you do it, darlin'." 2) She goes to Meester's dressing room and shares hard-won diva wisdom, including "No carbonated drinks the day of a performance -- you'll bloat!"
Tips for Gwyneth Paltrow on How to Diva:
1) Divas never make eye contact with lesser mortals: Think Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. Or Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago.
2) Divas don't make statements. They make pronouncements. The more italics, the better. Think Lauren Bacall in How to Marry a Millionaire: "Wealthy men are never old." Bette Davis in All About Eve: "Peace and quiet is for libraries!!!"