They finally did it. Those plucky kids from New Directions. It took a two hour episode, the iron will of Coach Sue and the music of Meat Loaf (?) but our favorite Fox show choir won the Nationals.
They did it in typically implausible fashion. I did mention Meat Loaf, right?
The best fun came in the first hour when a disgruntled Tina plunged into the fountain in the mall and had this crazy Yellow Brick Road fantasy where all the guys and girls in our troupe had changed places. Finn and Puck were gay and Blaine had a Mohawk. Please don’t wake her up until next season!
Coach Beiste learned to love herself and left Cooter. Puck got beat up and thrown in a dumpster by mullet wearing hockey players (now we know where the New Jersey Devils recruit) and then it was off to Chicago.
Except we never get to see the city. Remember last year? Half the scenes were set on the streets of New York City. This year it was like they never left the soundstage.
Mercedes falls deathly ill and there’s big pressure on Rachel because she invited Ms. Thibodeaux from NYADA to the performance. Jesse St. James is there, leading Vocal Adrenalin. But he’s confused by the new rules in the competition. What the heck are “vintage” songs, he wonders? You know Jesse. Vintage is about 90% of the repertoire on this show. You can’t go wrong.
And then the big moment before judges Lindsay Lohan, Perez Hilton and Ari’s assistant from Entourage. The girls take the stage for Gaga’s “Edge of Glory”. Except it’s not the New Directions girls. Once again we seem to have supplemented our numbers with high kicking ringers. Then we pull out all the stops: a Bat Out Of Hell medley that included this:
Genius. Give them the trophy.
Back at home, they are greeted as conquering heroes. Mr. Schuester wins teacher of the year. Next week: the season finale. You know what that means. Graduation. Here’s a tease.