WATCH: Jon Stewart hates everything about Philadelphia

Last week after Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg grabbed lunch at the Shake Shack in Citi Field during a series against the Mets, he fell ill with food poisoning. A fake letter and a fooled ESPN reporter later, and Jon Stewart hates us as a city for it.

Stewart launched into an epic anti-Philly rant last night on the Daily Show, fitting the Sandberg story in amid a larger piece about extinction. Apparently, Stewart took none too kindly to these accusations, saying that “a great New York restaurant is being slandered by some jagoff from Philadelphia.”

He then goes on to call the cheesesteak “waste-beef trimmings coating in liquid cheese,” Philadelphia Cream Cheese a “dish that makes itself if you leave milk out,” the Phanatic a “Jim Henson reject piece of [expletive],” and the city itself “so dumb it uses its art museum as exercise equipment.” 

But don’t worry guys, its OK because, as Stewart says in an aside, he actually “loves” cheesesteaks.

Cold comfort from a Mets fan, Jon. I know losing Colbert and John Oliver in such quick succession has been tough, but, please, don’t take it out on us. 

Skip to about 11 minutes in for the Philly stuff, 4 minutes for the whole extinction bit:

[Comedy Central]