Child rearing, family relations
Dan GottliebHi Dr. Dan- I have enjoyed your show for years and appreciate the service it provides. I find myself at a point where I am in need of a therapist, but am not sure how to proceed. My wife and I are having problems and she attributes this in large part to my behavior (lack of respect, communication, etc.) I’m sure this is in large part true, so I’d like to have therapy individually as well as marital counseling.Does individual therapy occur at the same time as the marital counseling, or are they done at separate times? Can I start with a therapist and then have my wife join the therapy? My wife has been in therapy before and says it can be very hard and wearing. If that is so, would individual and marital therapy at the same time be too much?
Dear Doctor Dan,
I am a faithful reader of all things Gottlieb, so I am hoping you could advise me about some distressing issues in my life.
How can I go about helping my daughter find a therapist for my grandchildren who are ages eight and five? Their parents recently divorced and the older child is having real problems with sleeping overnight at his dad's house. He says he is ok with spending time with daddy but does not want to stay away from home. He has no trouble sleeping overnight at my house but has done that since birth quite a lot.
My daughter says that her ex tells her that the child "has to learn to cope" and that is what they have been doing. I think it will take a matter of time and will resolve itself, but I also think they could use some counseling to deal with this issue and other divorce related things.
Can you guide me so that I may guide her in steps to find a compatible counselor
Your letter brings up several issues, so let's talk first about what needs to be done and then we can talk about what you can and cannot do to help make it happen.
Dan GottliebDear Dan,
I have been married for 20 years and the majority of them have been unhappy. My husband has been controlling and unloving. And we have two adolescent children.
Recently, a very good friend confessed his feelings for me. I, too, had the same feelings for him. Over several months, we tried desperately to break our relationship off and go back to our spouses.
Son's PSTD from Iraq Respectfully,
Q: Dear Dr. Gottlieb,
May I say how much I admire and respect you. My son is an Iraq Vet. He is suffering from PSTD and was diagnosed like the lady in this weeks forum in 45 mins. as having ADD. My son is 27 and is married but having difficulties. Andrew is very bright, charismatic and gets along with a lot of people. He is very depressed and unmotivated and is currently separated from his wife. I am helpless to assist him. The VA has let him down and he did get a Dr.s name but has not called him. Andrew is difficult since he is sometimes brighter and intuitive about the person who is treating him. On two occasions he quit because of his sense that the Dr. was inept. I can only pray, love, and support him. I would love if you could see him since I truly respect your common sense approach and deep empathy with your patients. Or if you could recommend a therapist who is strong in PSTD and the issues that surround it like social, marriage,etc. The person has to be strong because Andrew is one of the most strong willed humans I have ever encountered.
Glen Mills, PA
Mary I don't know anyone in Glen Mills who specializes in PTSD with veterans, and that is exactly who I would want him to see. I am posting this in hopes that some mental health professionals who have this specialty will comment so that we can get your son the help he needs and deserves
Dear Dr. Dan:
I know many people who, like me, have been adopted. And many of us have a driving need to meet their birth parents. I don't.
But I do suffer from a lifelong sense of not belonging and wonder if you could suggest some possible ways to cope with this.
Dear Dr. Gottlieb,
My son has been anxious and distractible since he was about five years old. So of course he had difficulty in school as he just couldn't pay attention to his work. In addition, he was quite shy and didn't make friends easily but we thought all of this would improve with time.
We never thought he had any kind of learning disability because he was not hyperactive.
On the contrary, he was always a very sweet kid and did what he was told. Except with homework. That was always a struggle as he would go to his room and emerge later having accomplished nothing.
I have a new friend named Jacob and we recently celebrated his first birthday. Of course he had no idea what was going on but he did taste cake for the first time. He loved it. Apparently he's read all of the books on developmental psychology because he's doing everything he supposed to do at the right time: crawling, babbling, fingers in everything.
Jake is adorable and happy, and he is now standing on his own. And once he realizes he is standing on his own he gets scared and sits down. Perhaps you’ve observed what comes next. Perhaps you’ve experienced it yourself. As an adult.
With the divorce rate just under 50 percent, most who get divorced remarry, creating a stepfamily. And anyone who has ever been in a stepfamily knows that they are complicated to say the least! This chat will be about many of the issues stepfamilies face and how they can be resolved. Dan is joined today by Dr. Wednesday Martin, author of 'Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel and Act the Way We Do.'