Dear concerned husband,

Sometimes marital problems are mostly because of one person.  Sometimes, but not often.  Certainly this is the case with the abuse or violence where one spouse feels unsafe in the matter.  If you haven't harmed her physically or psychologically, nevertheless If your behavior is so irritating to your wife that she will not go into therapy until you have done some work, so be it.

On the other hand, if she is willing to go into therapy with you, I would recommend that.  Very often in marital therapy I have one spouse working for an entire session, sometimes two or more on their issues.  That way the observing spouse can get to see and understand you from a different perspective.  Because after all, the goal is not just behavior change, the goal is mutual respect and understanding.  I am sure your wife would also benefit from talking to a therapist about her marriage with you sitting in the room.  It would help you understand the impact of your behavior beyond her surface reaction.

I hope that helps