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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Dear Dr. Gottlieb

I am 75+ professional woman.  I have two daughters.  Both of them received excellent educations and are accomplished on their own way.  I am very proud of them.  I feel I have done my duty as a mother with one exception.  That is, one of my daughter is still single thus,  I feel that I still have an unfinished task in my life.

But, there is nothing I can do with my one daughter not been married.  And I think I am depressed over it. 

Lately I feel that there is nothing much I can do on this earth and I expressed to my friend that 'I been there and done it and I am ready to die'.   She was surpprised to hear what I said and suggested that I see a consulor for she believed that I am seriously depressed.

I don't quiet agree with her.  I don't think there is anything wrong with my feeling of being ready to go.  Granted, I am depressed over my daughter been unmarried. But, this something nothing I can do about it.  And I don't think it has anything to do with my feeling of ready to die. 

Taking my own life had never came to my mind.  What do you think?  Do you think I am depressed and in need to seek for help?

Dear reader

 this might not be the answer you want, but I do think you may be depressed and that seeing someone could be helpful. The reason I say that is because the fact that you are ready to go doesn't mean you were depressed. Personally, I feel ready to go also as I have accomplished almost everything I'd ever dreamed of. But... I love my life and cherish every moment I am alive. You are linking your readiness to die with the fact that your daughter is unmarried. In general, that connection could be symptomatic of depression. Whereas many parents might be unhappy that their child is unmarried, the kind of despair you express may be symptomatic of depression.

I guess, the message is that you don't have to feel as badly as you do.

Posted by Dan Gottlieb @ 3:52 PM  Permalink | File Under: Child rearing, family relations | Post a comment
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About Dan Gottlieb
Dan Gottlieb is a psychologist and marital therapist and has been in practice nearly 40 years. His career started in community mental health and substance abuse until his accident in 1979 made him a quadriplegic.

Since that time, he has been in private practice. Since 1985, he has been hosting a radio show called "Voices in the Family" on WHYY FM, Philadelphia's NPR affiliate. He was a regular columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer from 1994 until 2008. He is also the author of four books.

www.drdangottlieb.com

Voices In The Family on WHYY

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