Caregiving and compassion with Trish

On March 31, our Web chat featured Trish who was a caregiver for her severely disabled husband. She was quite eloquent and brutally honest when talking about all she has lost since his accident. She continues to post on the Christopher Reeve webpage http://communities.kintera.org/Reeve/forums/1080/ShowForum.aspx

With her permission, I am sharing a recent posting as it helps illustrate the good news and bad news associated with trauma.

On Friday I had to take our boys to the dentist.  So I’m sitting in this pediatric dentist’s office reading a book called 90 Minutes in Heaven.  In walks an elderly lady with her grown disabled daughter.  The mother had to have been in her 70s.  The daughter might have been 40.  The daughter had obvious physical and mental disabilities.  She was blind and was walking behind the mother, holding on to her waist, with her head leaned up against her mother’s back.  The mom signed her in, sat her down, took off her jacket, brushed her hair, and quieted her a couple of times when she started speaking rather loudly.  I couldn’t help but wonder what this mom’s life had been like.  I wondered how many of her wants/desires/dreams were given up long ago.  I wondered if she ever found respite care.  I know she must love her daughter very much, but I just wondered if over the many years she had felt frustrated, tired, and all the things I feel. 

He daughter was finally taken back and the mom picked up a magazine.  I really wanted to go over there and sit next to her and talk to her but didn’t.  Just like me, maybe waiting in the dentist’s office with a magazine was her little bit of peace for the day.  It also struck me that had I walked in 15 minutes after I did, I would have thought this lady was the grandmother to some rowdy kid.  Her situation was invisible.  I hope things like this make me more compassionate to others.  It is impossible to just look at someone and read their heart and soul.