At least in Philadelphia, PBS late-night host Tavis Smiley goes head to head "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" at 11:30 p.m. on WHYY (Channel 12), where he'll be interviewing Los Angeles Dodgers manager Joe Torre tonight, but it sounds as if he'd rather be facing Jay Leno.

 He doesn't know Conan O'Brien, he said, when I asked him what he thought of what's going on at NBC this week, "but Jay I consider a personal friend. I thought it was a mistake for NBC to force him out of that [11:35 p.m.] time slot. I think there ought to be rewards for being No. 1 for as long as Jay was No. 1, and I don't think the reward is to be forced out. Let's put it this way: If I ever become No. 1 in my time slot on all TV networks, PBS had better not think about forcing me out," he said, adding, "I say that very lovingly."

Though Smiley said he thinks "this may very well go down as the biggest mistake in the history of television...as a black guy on PBS, making what I make, it's hard for me to feel sorry for either of these guys."

Television is changing, he said, "but at the same time there is a comfort in constancy, and I just think NBC ran into something they couldn't figure out."

One thing Smiley's figured out: At the commercial network level, at least, "it seems easier to be the president than to be an African-American or female talk-show host."

One of the people who might have the most to gain from the cancellation of NBC's "The Jay Leno Show" has nothing to say.

In seven different languages.

"Law & Order" producer Dick Wolf, here for PBS to tout a film on "When You're Strange: A Film About The Doors," which will premiere on the network May 26, said afterward that he had no comment on the Leno-Conan O'Brien situation.

But as usual, the University of Pennsylvania grad had come prepared.

Wolf's famous for carrying notes for press conference in a pocket and pulling them out and reading them from the stage. (Usually, they're stats proving that the "L&O" franchise is bigger than "American Idol" and the Oscars put together. Or something like that -- let's face it, numbers confuse me.)

But when I asked Wolf  just now what he had in his pocket, he pulled out a sheet with the phrase "no comment" printed on it in seven different languages.

NBC Universal entertainment chairman Jeff Gaspin this weekend was talking about a possible new "L&O" franchise, set in Los Angeles (and already affectionately dubbed "LOLA") as well as the likelihood of a record 21st season for the mothership, which hasn't always gotten so much love from the network in recent years.

But with five new hours opening up at 10 p.m. -- at least some of them likely to go to scripted programming, new or existing -- Wolf would seem to be in a strong position.

Noting that he never comments on this sort of thing, he finally offered up a crumb on the situation:

"I'm sorry for everybody's pain," he said.

NBC late-show hosts aren't the only ones with something to say this week to the people of Earth.

A recent selection of quotable quotes from visitors to the Television Critics Association's winter meetings in Pasadena:

“Don’t people have GPS? I think we can find these people.”

-- ABC entertainment president Stephen McPherson, recalling his early reaction to the premise of "Lost"

“Have you any other machinery-based shows?”
-- Rick Porter, of zap2it.com, of McPherson, who’d just jokingly defended “Conveyor Belt of Love”
“In terms of conveyor-belt shows, we are taking pitches actively.”

-- McPherson

"What’s amazing is you realize how fickle your political affiliation is. I’m a lifelong Democrat, but when I first heard that they were considering Feb. 2, I was like, 'That mother------.'"

-- "Lost" co-creator Damon Lindelof, talking about the scheduling of President Obama's State of the Union address, which won't, after all, be pre-empting the Season 6 premiere.
 

"I thought, 'This would be a really great time to die.'"

-- Sir Patrick Stewart, star of "Macbeth" on PBS' "Great Performances," about his first viewing of a "reality" TV show

Season 9 of Fox's "American Idol," the first without Paula Abdul and the last with Simon Cowell, kicked off Tuesday with some 29.8 million viewers over two hours, according to the preliminary Nielsens.

That's down just a little from its Season 8 premiere a year ago, which drew 30.4 million.

So is it Simon going? Ellen DeGeneres coming in? Or Paula missing? What do you think?

Significantly, CBS' "NCIS" did just fine against the "Idol" juggernaut, with an average audience of 20.7 million. But while "Idol," on average, drew 29 percent of the 18- to 49-year-olds watching TV Tuesday night, "NCIS" got about 11 percent of that group, which advertisers target most heavily.

In a statement addressed to "People of Earth," NBC's embattled "Tonight Show" host Conan O'Brien made it clear he'd prefer to quit than move the show to 12:05 a.m. to make room for Jay Leno. And that, he says, is what he's doing.

And no, he doesn't yet have a job lined up.

An NBC spokeswoman said the network was declining to comment.

But negotiations are undoubtedly under way, don't you think?

Here's what Conan had to say:

"People of Earth:

"In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me.  For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky.  That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

"Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009.  Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me.  I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future.  It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule.  Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

"But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

"Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35.  For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news.  I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting.  The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show.  Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot.  That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

"So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it.  My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction.  Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter.  But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

"There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next.  My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

"Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way."

Poll: Should Conan have agreed to move his show to 12:05 a.m.? (1874 votes)

A little good news for comedy lovers: ABC's renewed "Modern Family" and "The Middle" for next season.

(Less exciting, at least to me: It's also renewed "Cougar Town.")

The love may not have spread to Tuesday nights, where the too-long-at-the-fair "Scrubs" has been struggling, along with "Better Off Ted" (which is the funniest show on television you're probably not watching).

Asked about the Tuesday night situation, ABC entertainment president Steve McPherson essentially ignored "Ted," to focus on "Scrubs," which is produced by ABC and which he was instrumental in keeping on the air after NBC canceled it two seasons ago.

"We have obviously been disappointed by how that's performed," he said. And while fans have  been worried about the network's double-running episodes of both shows, "our intent is not to burn them off," he said, not very convincingly.

 On the plus side, original episodes of the Wednesday night comedies may turn up in the vacant "Hank" slot at 8 p.m., since the network's ordered more than 22 episodes for the season.

        On a day when Simon Cowell announced that he'd be leaving "American Idol" and Life as Some Of Us Know It changed forever, other Fox stars managed to squeeze in some good lines:

Though it was pretty much all -Jay-Leno-all-the-time at this morning's meeting with NBC executives (look for a full report on the festivities in tomorrow's Daily News), the network did squeeze in a few  programming announcements:

-- "The Marriage Ref," the new "reality" show produced by Jerry Seinfeld, will get a sneak preview on Feb. 28, following the closing ceremonies of the Winter Olympics. (CBS, meanwhile, plans to premiere a different "reality" show, "Undercover Boss," after the Super Bowl this year.)

      -- The network's ordered a U.S. version of the British police drama "Prime Suspect," to be produced by Penn grad Hank Steinberg ("Without a Trace"), as well as an update of "The Rockford Files" from "House" producer David Shore;  "Undercovers," a show from "Lost" co-creator J.J. Abrams; and new dramas from David E. Kelley and Jerry Bruckheimer.

-- "Deal or No Deal" host Howie Mandel will replace the departing David Hasselhoff as a judge on "America's Got Talent" next summer.

-- "The Office's" Pam and Jim have a due date for their baby, or two of them, to be exact, as the birth is scheduled to play out over the March 4 and 11 episodes, which sounds like a horrifyingly long labor.

"Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre couldn't have been surprised Saturday morning to get a question or two from TV critics in Pasadena about the show's star, Charlie Sheen, given how the actor allegedly spent his winter vacation.

Which didn't stop him from replying to the first one: "I'm sorry -- what happened with Charlie?"

Fresh off the show's first taping since the incident, which took place Friday night, Lorre told reporters things had gone well.

"We're just going about our business," he said. "Charlie's a consummate pro. He shows up and he delivers."

Earlier, CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler had seemed equally disinclined to talk about potential ramifications of Sheen's Christmas Day arrest on domestic-violence charges.

"Right now, we're being very sensitive to the fact that for Charlie, this is a very personal and very private matter," she said. "There’s been no impact on the network right now. The show is proceeding along its regular project schedule."