Find a husband before you graduate?
I'm back from a one-week furlough and wondering what everyone thinks about that controversial letter to the editor penned to the student newspaper at Princeton University. In the op-ed piece, written by Susan A. Patton, a 1977 graduate of the school, she warns female to students to look for a husband while they're still undergraduates.
Find a husband before you graduate?
Jenice Armstrong, Daily News Columnist
I’m back from a one-week furlough and wondering what everyone thinks about that controversial letter to the editor penned to the student newspaper at Princeton University. In the op-ed piece, written by Susan A. Patton, a 1977 graduate of the school, she warns female to students to look for a husband while they’re still undergraduates.
“For most of you, the cornerstone of your future and happiness will be inextricably linked to the man you marry, and you will never again have this concentration of men who are worthy of you. Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.”
The mother and a Princeton grad herself, Patton added, “Smart women can’t (shouldn’t) marry men who aren’t at least their intellectual equal. As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are. And I say again — you will never again be surrounded by this concentration of men who are worthy of you.”
"Of course, once you graduate, you will meet men who are your intellectual equal — just not that many of them. And, you could choose to marry a man who has other things to recommend him besides a soaring intellect. But ultimately, it will frustrate you to be with a man who just isn’t as smart as you."
Yes, this all sounds mind numbingly retro. College should be a time to explore your options – not fixate on snagging your Mrs. degree. But for women, for whom marriage and children are primary, maybe Patton has a point. I grudgingly admit that after listening to Patton explain herself on CNN last night. She pointed out how many young women spend their entire twenties focusing on education and career and then at 30, that's all they have accomplished.
I certainly wound up in that position having prioritized career over family but everything worked out just fine. During my twenties, I traveled extensively, worked for a number of newspapers around the country and spent years figuring out who I was and what I wanted before I ever gave serious thought to settling down. I got married nearly a decade ago - to a Princetonian, I might add, and am thrilled. My sister married her college boyfriend a year after graduation and also has had an amazing life and three adorable children.
Maybe certain women would do well to heed Patton's off-putting advice about being serious about relationships early on. Others, though, should ignore it like the plague lest they get off track. My point is that there's no one-size-fits-all answer to how to get it right.
A great deal of men in college (that includes Princeton) are not interested in settling down at that age. That could be one of the major flaws in her hypothesis.— SKYMAN- Hooray! There is not one answer for everyone. Knowing options and the risks/benefits of each and making a choice right for yourself is true liberation. I hope that is how these comments are accepted rather than a proscriptive "do it my way". So glad there are opportunities for Ms. Patton as well as Ms. Sandberg, Facebook's COO.— Portena
- Not sure how I feel about this. but she does have a point. I agree that there are a lot of smart people at top notch colleges and universities. It would be a better place to find an intelligent person instead of looking at a bar or club and winding up with some frat boy meathead.— truthfirst
- This may have been ture but with so many different dating sites out there I am sure there will be an Ivy Leaguer dating site out soon.— towman
- If you REALLY don't have avenues in life to meet people who are your intellectual equal... you're probably not really all that smart/your life choices aren’t the quality that deserves a "top level" man... sounds like she's masking the idea that the men around them will probably make more money than any given shmoe. Either way, still someone telling women that they should be making sure to think about their baby making days!— diesler123
- Book smarts don't always translate to common sense.. People are still developing there feelings and passions at that age.. They do not know what they want out of a life partner yet.. Unless all you care about is money. Then I guess take her advise. Princeton people maybe would... Other wise wait till your late 20s early 30s.— ajm8510
- She is dead on with this point. Sad but true! It applies to men as well.— A. Martinez
- I believe it's called the MRS degree.— 2ndNlong
- I 100% disagree with Patton. Do you know what marriages have the best chance of survival? Ones that occur after age 30 and the number increases as you get older. Ironically the most educated individuals "wait" the longest. I work with young (18-30) people and I've yet to meet someone who didn't change significantly at age 30 . Those changes are what drives divorce rates through the roof...wait later and you'll give yourself best chance for real happiness.— soldano21
Mrs. Patton is an elitist racist, Jen.— BOOKKA- "She pointed out how many young women spend their entire twenties focusing on education and career and then at 30, that's all they have accomplished. " how terrible to have only accomplished a successful education and career, rather than fulfilling antiquated gender roles.— VivaChomsky
- Although it isn't mentioned here, she stated that she would not recommend that her sons find wives at Princeton. She is basically setting up a dynamic where women are chasing men around campus trying to get a ring out of them while they stoically resist. It makes perfect sense to make social connections in college, and if something comes of that, then great. Several of my college friends married each other. But finding a husband is not what college is about, any more than finding a husband is what your career is about. Putting the undue pressure to try to make Princeton women desperate isn't helpful. Ms. Patton's comments say a lot more about her feelings about the recent failure of her marriage (to a man who went somewhere other than Princeton) than they do about anyone else's opportunities in life.— km412
- Having graduated from one of those snotty Ivy League schools, the biggest myth is that people seek mates because of intelligence. Looks probably have equal if not higher value when selecting a mate.
The second myth is that there's a lot of difference in intelligence from graduates at Princeton compared to graduates at other top but non-Ivy League schools like Stanford, MIT, Boston University, Northwestern, etc. There is not.
The third myth is that intelligence is highly correlated to Ivy League degree when in fact it's more highly correlated to one's major regardless of school. Art history majors, psychology majors, religion majors at Princeton are probably not as bright compared to physics majors, engineers, and biology majors at those same schools.
— URANIUM235 - Not a big deal...the majority of women go to college for that very reason....dont blame it on Buffey and Biff and the rich kids that go to Ivy league schools.....Daddy tells his son to go there as the old boy referal system will guarantee him a great job.....Mommy tells her daughter to go there to grab a man who will be successful because of his degree from the institution.....so relax....girls...go for it....it is the way of the world at the Ivy League schools and most Universities— nuggett
- Is this why we have 50 percent divorce rate? Utter silliness. I expected more from an Ivy League graduate.— msmame
- Is silliness bad? — Falls Ed
- "As Princeton women, we have almost priced ourselves out of the market. Simply put, there is a very limited population of men who are as smart or smarter than we are." Well, when you have that attitude about others from the start (and yes, the Ivy League schools do), I can see why you might have a problem meeting someone to share your life with. I can see what Patton is trying to accomplish, but her end result was to simply reinforce the Princeton stereotype.— Yoda117
- Maybe these Princeton women graduates have problems finding intelligent husbands is because most intelligent men want to marry pretty women.— farley
- Hey, it worked for my wife. We met in college. I work all day and she sits around doing nothing, except to go play tennis and golf.— Moe_Syzlak
- This lady sounds more like an intellectual airhead to me and this Philly.com for even publishing this garbage and me being suckered into reading it.What kinda freaks are Ivy league colleges putting out anymore. Princeton shoulda stuck with college football from over 100 years ago when they were good at something. At least HUP was good for something because thats where I was born !!!— tastycake
- Intellectual conversations seem to be something most people stop having once they graduate.— Freedom Fries
- Doesn't bother me. She's entitled to her opinion, like everyone else. That's the whole point of an op/ed.— everydayguy
- Wow, sexist and elitist and the same time! Women need to find a man to be complete, eh? And only fellow Ivy League men are good enough for these women. Amazing stuff here.— verve
- So basically if you did not go to Princeton you cannot be intellectually equal to a Tiger? That type of elitist foundation to her 'advice' undercuts everything else she has to say.— Damien
- Gag... I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. These types of people, who think what college someone went to defines whether they're ones "intellectual equal", are the absolute worst. In the real world very few people care what school you went to and my experience has been that those who do are the least interesting, least dynamic people I have met. I went to both an ivy league school and a "local" school and by far the education was the same at each. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess Susan Patton is an absolute bore, and that spending any time with her would be wasted. That is, assuming she was even able to see me at the end of her nose.— Bud Fox
- If someone from Liberty Univ wrote that article, the professional (and amateur) left would bring back the fictional "War on Women". But since it's by a liberal, it's entertaining reading and food for thought. LOL.— Phillies2008WSChamps
- Sad.— xing
- If you find someone that you can spend your life with in school, great. If not one has a few years to look other places.— Wildman Bill
- Jen, the only reason you have gotten jobs at numerous newspapers across the country is because you are a black female. You are a no-talent hack with a primitive mind and you are not worthy of your Princeton husband. You can't even write an opinion piece or review of this woman's statement without rambling aimlessly about your personal life and that of your sister (or was it yo' sistah girl!) as if your readers give a damn about you. That is just one example of why you are a terrible writer. A reader doesn't even need to look at the byline to know that it's one of your articles. Your M.O.--talk endlessly about yourself, ramble aimlessly with no coherent thoughts---always gives you away. If marriage was based on brainpower you would be married to Lenny Dykstra. Not because you are black. No. It's because you are a complete and utter moron.— phillyisahole
- Could you imagine the left wing uproar if a MAN had said that to women?!? Oh my God!— TruthTeller01
- Besides finding a husband, the women students at Princeton should also take home economics and make sure that they get a 4.0 in the courses of cooking, cleaning, and pleasing their man upon graduation!!— vdstrading
- Ladies, you can attend Drexel right here in Philly and have your choice of men in the Engineering program, which is 99% male. An added plus is that they're all desperate and you don't even have to be particularly attractive!— STS_PA
- I thought it was an April Fool's joke.— Jen D
- As a female part of me is shocked, however part of me isn't as well. I am a graduate myself and finding a husband was definitely not my top priority as a student however it was still thought of. And marrying young isn't always the best idea. My advise is to be aware of your surroundings but wait until you are sure that you are ready for something like that.— ashley24sweets
Read more from Jenice Armstrong at Earth to Philly, the Daily News blog on anything and everything "Green."
Reach Jenice at armstrj@phillynews.com.
