So what did you do this weekend?
Robert Matlosz, 71, spent his Saturday morning masturbating inside his Ford Fusion parked at a Wilmington-area cemetery, according to Delaware State Police.
No, it's not Delaware County, but close enough. Or not far enough away might be a better way to put it.
Cops say they found Matlosz parked at All Saints Cemetary on Old Capitol Trail, near St. Mark's High School where the girls track team was practicing. According to the release:
As troopers approached the vehicle, they observed that the male subject had his pants down around his ankles and was masturbating. The subject, later identified as Robert K. Matlosz, saw the approaching troopers and immediately began to flee in his car. After leading the responding officers on a short pursuit inside of the cemetery, Matlosz stopped his vehicle and was taken into custody.
Matlosz was charged with indecent exposure, reckless driving and resisting arrest. Hey, it could have been worse. Much worse.