Can't say I've read many Delaware County police reports that include the phrase, "Lacking any type of lasso" – let alone in the inner-ring boroughs on the border of Southwest Philly.
But here it is, right in front of me. Police in Yeadon and East Lansdowne got a dairy-farming lesson over the weekend when a cow escaped from a butcher shop in Upper Darby and went wandering down Emerson Avenue toward Long Lane. It freaked out when the cops showed up.
"Lacking any type of lasso or rope, officers attempted to corral the animal between the vehicles," reads one of the strangest police reports ever to cross my desk, "when the animal suddenly lunged at vehicle 4621, striking the front passenger side quarter panel causing light damage."
Vehicle 4621 is a Yeadon police cruiser.
“They cornered it, and the cow puts its head down and rams the side of the police car. Now we got a dent in the side of the car," said Yeadon Detective Sgt. David Splain.
Splain said his boss might have some 'splainin to do.
"Imagine how the chief is going to explain that one to the insurance company,” Splain said. "I’ve been doing this since 1984 and I've never seen a cow running loose down here."
Apparently, the cow escaped from a Muslim butcher shop in Upper Darby, according to Splain. Not sure if you're supposed to have farm animals in Upper Darby. I'll have to check on that.
“Talk about fresh meat,” Splain said. "The thing was running up and down the street!"