This is kinda sick, mildly funny, totally pointless, and of questionable newsworthiness. But that's why you're here.
Why? Don't know. Do I care? Not particularly. Just thought you should know. And I like to violate the "breakfast test" rule as often as possible.
But if anyone cracks this case, drop me a line. Because there's a cop out there on the Main Line looking into it, and he'd rather be doing something else.
Pretty much anything else.