‘Idol’ results: Thanks for nothing

Ryan Seasick promised us a bold new twist last night, one that would make it a night of high drama. Actually it was a night of …no drama.

Here are your results, ladies and Germans:

Yes, Amber and Candice may not have been the Bottom Two you might have picked (Kree Harrison to the white courtesy phone please) but to almost no one’s surprise, in the end, no one was sent home. When you have an extra week built into the schedule with a month to go, there has to be a stay of execution at some point.

The interesting thing is Idol didn’t even go through the charade of making it a judges’ “choice”.

So four ladies entered Idol Dome and four left. Big yup. How’d you like the rest of the play?

The Fantastic Four – as Idol is now encouraging you to call them – went to Brit Week to chat with Timothy Dalton. Not too random. I’m pretty sure that Union-jacked set they used is the one from Arrested Development, from which Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) tried to elope with lovely Rita (Charlize Theron).

Then after one of the worst contestant-participatory Ford commercials ever, Ryan was MIA! A off-camera female producer had to shout out Seafoam’s scripted prompts so the four flummoxed finalists could deliver their lines.

The season must be drawing to an end because they’re running out of recognizable ex-Idols to perform on Thursday nights. This week it was Stefano Langone and Lee DeWyze, who had six – count ‘em, six – backup singers to do a bad Mumford imitation. Langone? The whole time I was musing, “Season 10? Hmmm, whatever happened to Screeching James Durbin?”

Have to take exception with one of this week’s elements. Not only was Procul Harum labeled a “one-hit wonder”, but Jimmy Iodine disparaged “Whiter Shade of Pale”, saying “The lyrics are ridiculous!”

Okay, first of all, one hit? Ever hear of “In Held ‘Twas I” or “Conquistador” or (still one of my favorite all-time songs) “A Salty Dog”? And “corny lyrics”, Jimmy? May 16 Vestal Virgins tear that stupid cap off your head!

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