Tuesday, March 3, 2015

'Idol' recap: Shannon go bragh

The tall teenager doesn't make 'Idol''s tour cut

‘Idol’ recap: Shannon go bragh

The last female Idol winner was Jordin Sparks back in 2007. We may be waiting a long time for another one if voting trends continue the way they have this season and last.

On Thursday’s elimination hour, your bottom three were Erika Van Pelt, Elise Testone and Shannon Magrane. I predicted two of those in yesterday’s blog but assumed at least one guy would be on the bubble. I underestimated the misogyny of the Idol voting bloc.

I was dead wrong on my second prediction. They did send the loser home. No last minute stay of execution. No slot on the tour. Hmmmm.

BTW, Jennifer Lopez was not happy with your choices, America. Not happy at all. Those flashing eyes.

In the end, it was Magrane who got the hook, an outcome so totally without merit that I demand a recount. Oh wait, that’s right. Idol has never shared actual results with us. We’ve always just had to take their word for them.

If there’s no counting, there’s no recounting.

Idol’s questionable methodology paves the way for conspiracy theories, and over the years, I have floated my fair share.

Yes, as you see in the clip from last night, Magrane fell into the classic Idol trap: she’s singing “One Sweet Day” beautifully. Then she gets to the second verse and chorus and elects to start screaming and screeching the song. Why? That’s what Idol contestants do. It’s not who sings best; it’s who sings loudest.

 

In any event, I don’t think Magrane, who looked like a young volleyball player, was voted off. I think she was secretly deposed by the show’s little Napoleon, Ryan Seacrest, who got sick of standing next to her week after week and thanking her each time for wearing flats, thus diminishing the awkward height difference between them.

Each time he would say that, Magrane would reach down and pat his head. You’ll notice Jermaine Jones, the tallest finalist ever, was also dismissed on trumped-up charges this week. All part of Seacrest’s secret plot to keep only the wee people.

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day.

 

 

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David Hiltbrand Inquirer TV Critic
About this blog

A true child of TV, David Hiltbrand has worked as a critic at People and as a columnist and editor at TV Guide.

David Hiltbrand Inquirer TV Critic
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