‘DWTS’ debut: Who soared; who stiffed

It was a shaky shakedown cruise on 'Dancing with the Stars' last night. But it wasn't without its pleasant surprises. Hello, Karate Kid.

'Dancing with the Stars' is like a four furlong horse race: the results are often apparent as soon as the field breaks from the gate.

But I've never seen such a rampant case of opening night nerves among the celebrities. And I use that word advisedly.

I actually watch children's television and still I'm unfamiliar with 'Disney star' Chelsea Kane.

And Mike Catherwood? You know you're in trouble when, all around you, credits are being ridiculously elevated ('movie star Ralph Macchio'; 'reality star Kendra Wilkinson')   and the best they can come up with for you is 'radio personality'.

But you could see where he got the nickname 'Psycho Mike'. When the judges started criticizing his dreadful showing, he glared at them as if they had just delivered their own death warrants and he was the executioner.

Since we're starting at the bottom of the barrel, we might as well stay with the long shots.

Have you ever seen anyone look more terrified than Wendy Williams as she awaited her musical cue?  She had reason to be apprehensive. If only her legs flowed as freely as her tears. But I loved the rehearsal footage when she started blotting up the waterworks with the wig she was wearing.

Romeo was better than this father, Master P, legendary zombie waltzer from season two. But not by much. His cha cha cha was the night's most risqué performance but that was due to his partner, Chelsie, who oversold the sex. Romeo treated the dance as if it were an obstacle course.

Kendra Wilkinson had a cheering section that included Hugh Hefner and her husband, Eagles receiver Hank Baskett. She promised a dance that would be 'not club hot, but classy hot'. There was little heat of any variety. She seemed to be doing the Charleston at a few points.

The other over endowed contestant was WWE wrestler Chris Jericho. His partner Cheryl even bemoaned how hard it was to ballroom dance with a man who has no neck. Jericho flaunted the guns but massive biceps alone won't take him far.

Boxer Sugar Ray Leonard danced like he had eggs in his pocket. While 'supermodel' and professional tsunami survivor Petra Nemcova looked graceful, it seems likely she will struggle when called upon to do more aerobic routines.

'DWTS' wisely saved Kirstie Alley for last, because they know most people tuned in to see her on the dance floor. She's fashioned a second career as a self-mocking plus-sized woman. She's like a manic Mae West.

While she was better than expected last night, she also vamped too much. The girl can't help it.

Pittsburgh Steeler wide receiver Hines Ward was a little rough, but he's clearly game and charismatic. Judge Len Goodman complimented him on his confidence and his bum.

The early frontrunner and crowd favorite is Ralph Macchio. He was both theatrical and lithe. I guess it helps to be built like Fred Astaire.

Since it looks like he will be around for awhile, I hope we got all the 'Karate Kid' references out of the way last night. The first words out of Macchio's mouth were 'Wax on, wax off.'

Take away the floor work and 'DWTS' is still dependably entertaining just for the spectacle. In last night's studio audience I saw Franco Harris and Florence Henderson. Those are two people who share nothing but their initials.

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