Saturday, February 13, 2016

Charlie Sheen: Cursing Up a Storm

What exactly did the Warlock bring to Atlantic City on Saturday night?

Charlie Sheen: Cursing Up a Storm

Sheen on stage in Atlantic City, celebrating himself, in the Mark J. Etess Arena in Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, NJ. (Photo / Tom Briglia)
Sheen on stage in Atlantic City, celebrating himself, in the Mark J. Etess Arena in Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City, NJ. (Photo / Tom Briglia)

Charlie Sheen walked through the crowd like a prize fighter on Saturday as he entered the Mark G. Etess Arena. Then he delivered an evening of entertainment that was utterly punchless.

For half an hour he paced the stage with a microphone, smoking cigarettes and fuming about the recent turn of events in his life. No joke, he came prepared with no jokes. After 11 stops on his tour, many of them debacles, shouldn’t he have figured out by now that he needs to hire a gag writer?

“What are we doing tonight?” he demanded. “We’re having a *%$# party!”

It was a party where someone forgot to bring the keg and the music and the snacks.

He bragged that if anyone else tried to smoke the massive amounts of crack cocaine he has, they would be dead. This boast brought sustained cheering from the noisy (and seemingly inebriated) core of fans who supported Sheen throughout the evening.

Most of the crowd quickly realized that this was going to be a long night. Using his hand to shield his eyes from the spotlight (make up your mind, Charlie: are you a warlock or a vampire?), he noted, “Wow, I wore out my welcome after ten &%$%* minutes.”

Again and again, he referred to his act not as a tour, but as a “movement”. Apparently, judging by his rhetoric, it is a movement designed to appeal to people who have the guts to stand up to their bosses and curse them long and loud.

The problem is that most working stiffs would wake up the next morning and realize that they’ve made a terrible mistake with some serious consequences. As the highest paid actor on TV (formerly), Charlie can afford to walk away from the rubble chuckling.

Then charge people $100 a pop to listen to him boast about how unrepentant he is.

Sheen’s saving grace in Atlantic City was the recruitment of comic Jeff Ross, a regular on the Comedy Central roast specials. He came out in a hazmat suit, shouting “What’s up, enablers?”

Ross got the crowd laughing as he gave it to Sheen with both barrels, saying, “I’m used to roasting classier people…like Flavor Flav and Courtney Love” and “You’re the black sheep in a family that is responsible for three Mighty Ducks films.”

Though Charlie was his primary target, Ross spread the insults around. “Have you guys been watching the AIDs documentary on Fox,” he asked. “I think it’s called Glee.”

As for Sheen, he seems to suffer from the delusion that everything that comes out of his mouth is fascinating. He probably woke up Sunday afternoon, convinced he had given the folks their money's worth.

Sorry, Charlie. Not even close.



Read more Dave on Demand or follow him on Twitter @DaveOnDemand_TV

Inquirer TV Critic
We encourage respectful comments but reserve the right to delete anything that doesn't contribute to an engaging dialogue.
Help us moderate this thread by flagging comments that violate our guidelines.

Comment policy: comments are intended to be civil, friendly conversations. Please treat other participants with respect and in a way that you would want to be treated. You are responsible for what you say. And please, stay on topic. If you see an objectionable post, please report it to us using the "Report Abuse" option.

Please note that comments are monitored by staff. We reserve the right at all times to remove any information or materials that are unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable. Personal attacks, especially on other participants, are not permitted. We reserve the right to permanently block any user who violates these terms and conditions.

Additionally comments that are long, have multiple paragraph breaks, include code, or include hyperlinks may not be posted.

Read 0 comments
comments powered by Disqus
About this blog

A true child of TV, David Hiltbrand has worked as a critic at People and as a columnist and editor at TV Guide.

David Hiltbrand Inquirer TV Critic
Latest Videos:
Also on
letter icon Newsletter