Predict the Sixers' New Slogan Contest
Philadelphia Inquirer Sports Columnist Bob Ford writes about the Eagles, the Phillies, the Sixers and the Flyers.
Predict the Sixers' New Slogan Contest
Bob Ford, Inquirer Sports Columnist
All right, it's not really a contest. There aren't any prizes. We're in bankruptcy here, for God's sake. You think we're awash in prizes?
How about a free subscription? Fine. You got a computer, you already got a free subscription. Clever how we worked that out, wasn't it? Doesn't cost you a dime.
Not that it keeps us from poking good-natured fun at other businesses that are struggling a little bit. Like the Sixers, who keep going to the mailbox in the morning looking for those season-ticket renewals, opening it, looking in, closing it, coming back in five minutes, still nothing.
Sports teams are smarter than newspapers. They charge money for tickets -- similar to a subscription -- but when they let you see the content for free (or as free as those cable TV crooks allow), they get money from the cable crooks. We should look into that. If you get your internet from Verizon or AT&T or AOL or Father Comcast or whomever, those guys should give us money if they want their users to see newspaper content. Otherwise, they get GinzuKnives.com and SaveTheMacaroons.com and that's it. Take a memo on that. Get back to me.
The Sixers should have all this stuff really figured out. Comcast owns the team. Comcast owns the building. Comcast owns the cable company. They let Mr. Minority Owner Snider make some decisions while the Roberts family is buying and selling continents, but in that really big building they just built near City Hall, there really isn't a lot of talk about whether Kareem Rush was used properly last season. But even they know it ain't going well.
The problem is that you can't fool the people. (Well, perhaps the word forever needs to be appended to the end of that sentence). And you can't fool them in a recession, for sure. The Sixers have won one playoff series since the 2001 Finals. They have gone through six coaches in that time and just hired a seventh. People aren't that interested in a team that has no chance to win a championship -- even if the team plays hard and overachieves. People want stars. They want real excitement. They want to believe they are seeing something special before the lay out 75 bucks to endure ear-splitting music and tiresome one-on-one basketball. That's what the Cavs are selling in Cleveland, nothing of particular substance. But it is selling.
Next season, the Sixers will be selling the magical motion system of Mr. Eddie Jordan, who is a pretty good coach and a believer in the Princeton half-court offense. It will be an improvement for the Sixers, who didn't appear to have a half-court offense previously, and, if things go right, the team will play hard and overachieve and maybe people will start to drift back.
That hasn't happened yet, though -- open mailbox, peer in, close, repeat -- so the team is going to hold what it is calling a "brand re-launch" next Tuesday. The franchise has been here since 1963, so maybe it's time for a "brand re-launch," which is marketing talk for, "We need people to think we're different, because what we were before we couldn't sell with ice cream on top." The idea is there will be a lot of sparklers and confetti and drum-beating and, suddenly, You've Got Mail!
And you know what a new marketing campaign means, right? Yes, new slogan. That's the ticket. A new slogan. Those are always great. We have those here at the newspaper, too. I think our current one is, "Get a Computer. We Can't Stop You." My favorite from the past was, "The Inquirer. The Most Important 15 Minutes of Your Day." We probably paid a lot to have someone think up that one.
The Sixers' brain trust might be puzzling over the new slogan right now, or they farmed it out to some promotional consulting crooks or ad agency. It's got to be snappy. Has to scream new day to anyone who hears it. Must put them in a trance and make them write a check.
Hmmm. What can it be?
Sixers: We Give Teams Motion Sickness
No, that's awful. God, that's like one of our slogans.
Sixers: Legal Motion
Sixers: Sammy Looks Good On The Bench, Huh?
Sixers: Try To Keep Up
Sixers: Who In Hell Can Jason Kapono Guard?
Sixers: Jordan Rules (For Now)
Got nothing. Got a good one for the Sixers? Comment away. We'll select the best and make sure the Sixers get it before next Tuesday. A re-launch is a terrible thing to waste.
NO MO MO! Great slogan and it will say it all. The poor coach is finally gone. NO MO MO...it says everything.— NoMoMo- Could you guys use a shooter like Hedo???????— KGKoons
- Sixers: R We There YET????— DESIXERSFAN
Here's a slogan . . . Is there anybody out there?- How 'bout they go retro modern: "Sixers: We owe you one (refund)"— vetlincbank
- "Sixers...Yes Philly you still have a basketball team"— JayRod
- The Sixers – We were GREAT in ’83! Come get Sixers Fever – it’ll make you sick! The Sixers – touching fans in Philadelphia since 1963!— tumasjam
- "Come on, Give us a shot!"— pmyersjr
- Sixers 2009-2010: "The Check is in the Mail"— oldcitymatt
- Sixers 2009-2010: "The Check is in the Mail"— oldcitymatt
- Wish Upon A Star— The Marco Islander
- slogan: Didn't we just bounced out of the 1st round again...get off our backs!!! S I X E R S!!!!!!! EAGLES!!!!! Sixers stink and that coach stinks too...draft Maynor and send Dalembert packing— rodney517
Comment removed.- I remember when the brought Doug Moe in as the new coach in the early 90's in another "re-branding" effort. The marketing campaign was built around ripping off a catch-phrase from a popular salsa commercial. It managed to be as lame as the entire Doug Moe era. Sixers haven't been relevant since 2001. Yawn.— dragoon6
- Where's Doc?— TheJoker
- Sixers: Because the Eagles only play once a week.— Mike Honcho
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- "Andre Iguodala looks like McNabb's twin, come to the game to boo him."— FireAndyReid
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- Sixers---- " The basket needs to be the size of the ocean"— fman727
- Slogan - "Sixers Basketball: When it comes to coaching, Are we DONE yet?"— World2
- Sixers: You could do worse— notch44
- We may not be pretty but we're scrappy!— onesilb
- Sixers 2010 - Good for two playoff wins in the first round!— mjb
- Sixers: We're going down with the Spectrum!— Delawareagle
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- at least you don't have to put up with that iverson guy! na too long winded— wearethechampions
- Tied in with Anheuser Busch: "The More You Drink, The Less We Stink."— ArtMooney
- Here are a few ideas: 1) Clowns to the left, jokers to the right, stuck in the middle with you. 2) We're good enough. We're smart enough. And doggone it, people like us. 3) Sixer basketball. It's better than living in a van down by the river.— Stu
- Got a few by e-mail, too. My favorite of that bunch -- Sixers: Expect The Expected.— Bob Ford
- Why is anyone paying their hard earned money to see this team. Snider is a joke and Stefanski is smart enough to take Snider's money for a few years before he gets fired as well. The NBA needs to go back to a 16 team league. half the league is just horrible— belocki
- "We let you get high in the 3rd level again"— belocki
The Sixers - where a schmuck like Peter Luukko can be an executive.— dpcoz- The Sixers - Better than the Clippers but not the Bucks.— dpcoz
- the sixers- yes we are still here— ConservativePatriot22
- "Lets Do This"— John P.
- The Sixers: "Moving in a Forward Motion"— ILL-UH-DEL
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- Gridlock on 76, we'll fix it— Teps
- I'll vote for Mike Honcho's slogan. Mine would be: You gotta believe, 3 years from now!!— Phils_World_Champs
- Sixers - Welcome to the Wells Fargo Center- the WFC - Who F"n Cares?— deanwermer
- We suck and you still pay.— maximus
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Can we send the sixers out of town and bring back the Phantoms?— burholme- Git Mo Right Here!— ChillyWilly
- I think everyone is missing the point. This Sixers news conference next Tuesday is obviously an "Elton Brand relaunch" due to the fact that last year's attempt never got off the ground.— PhillyFanForLife
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- A new slogan! Hmmmm. I have a couple they can have for free. "The Sixers! I thought The Flyers were playing tonight!" "The Sixers!" Come Suck With Us!" "The Sixers!" We'll Never be as Good as The Lakers, But We're Better Than The Clippers!"— qj
- Here's one. Philly fans are a bunch if idiots and jump off and on the bandwagon all the time! Just like when the sky was falling after the second game and the first half of game 3 in the Red Sox series.— scars73
- Sixers Slogan: "Sixers: Like a comfy pair of shoes or loafers"— ahjros
- Bob, the team should revoke your press pass for writing this dreck. It's truly a cheap shot to kick them when they're down like you just did. Weak.— Tartan69
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- "Git Mo Right here"LOL. The sixers. We take more shots than a north philly thug.— franknbeans
- Sixers: Our time has come!— incog69
- We still hand out long term contracts to players who can't shoot and who are damaged goods. We are good for the average and the damaged!— Horlet
- "WE OWE YOU ONE...WE OWE YOU ...Wait a minute...WE OWE YOU 36"— Dr. Michael
- Whoever wrote "The More You Drink, The Less We Stink" should be the team's Ad Campaign Manager. Brilliant.— Dean1
- "We Owe You.....26!!"— hope55
- Sixers - we make mediocrity mediocre.— dpcoz
- You can skip practice, just come back.— tenininumee
- "Bored of Eds, Bored With the Sixers" Come to the games and we'll blow 'ya— frenval
- "Like the Washington Generals, we're due!"— tenininumee
- Run with us...for three more seasons, when we might contend.
- "Like the Washington Generals, we're due!"— tenininumee
- "Bored of Eds...Bored of the Sixers." or SIXERS S-CK. The Only Thing Missing Is U— frenval
- Who Cares?— Horlet
- Please change the black uniforms and black court to brighter colors like blue or red.— RobertB
- "The Philadelphia 6-and-76ers: Stop looking at all those Flyers banners!"— IgglesFan79
- " 76er's = Continuous Excitement "— xmar
- Sixers - too good for the lottery, not good enough for the second round.— dpcoz
- 76ers: Vengence NOW!! oh, wait...— SPM519
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- Sixers: Generic Quality At Brand Prices— largo
- Sixers - here we rebuild again!— dpcoz
- Sixers - Where even Willie Green and Samuel Dalembert can find work.— dpcoz
- Sixers - isn't there any poker in TV?— dpcoz
- Sixers - Is Matt Geiger's money off the books yet???— dpcoz
- The team is broke(n), can we have some TARP funds!!!— martin710
- "Eat at Joes"— longlane06
- I think they should go with this..."Hey, Philly fans, we think that you have no idea what a championship caliber team is, so we are going to act like we have a lot of talent even though we don't have any legit all-stars. So, please come down and spend your hard earned money on a ticket to watch a team that is no better than a 6 seed. Also, watch how we try to sell you on Andre Miller as the answer at PG." I know it's a little wordy, but I think it will catch on.— hugh
- Sixers: where pathetic sports writers like Bob Ford write cliche articles to gain popularity from the city`s moronic, bandwagon fans. I think a lot of you want to see the team being successful or you wouldn`t waste your time reading these articles and commenting. The fact that you bash the team as an indirect indication of this is just sad, sad, sad.— jefuuetsukusura
- Isn't there a basketball-form of sabremetrics out there now? Why not hire a whiz kid and give him a shot...— dpcoz
- "Yeah, we thought Dalembert was a type of cheese, too."
- "Yes we still play in the NBA"— atp2007
- beware the great pumpkin in honor of stefanski's picture or buy tickets..snider just bounced #3— natedog
- 76'ers: in TENSE city— johnnyonthespot
- We Owe You...well, we forget how many we owe you but we do.— PhillySubsMac
- How about: "We stink, come watch some boring basketball and help us get rich."— dakotaandotter
- Come watch Sam Dalembert regress after 6 years in the league (making millions) and watch Willie Green play hot potato...making millions.— piasano33
- Sixers Basketball - we might finish...6th?— mraltomare
- "Your 76ers! Our efforts are gallant, but we have no talent!" Please try to do a sign and trade deal with Andre Miller to Sacramento for Kevin Martin. Getting Kapono was nice but he's only a 15 to 18 minutes per game player off the bench because he can't guard a Koala Bear. Trade Dalembert to Cleveland for Wally Szczerbiack. Draft Ty Lawson. Martin, Kapono, Lawson, Szczerbiak, we get Jason Smith and Elton Brand back.— dds124
- 76ers: Royal's Gone But We're Goin' Ivy!— frankenslade
- Sixers basketbaaaaaaaaaaaaaal...YOU GOTTA BE HERE! Only on PHL 17: The Great Entertainer!— Charlie Cheswick
- Sixers: Not that bad.— Lehigh Philly
- Sixers - heeey, remember the 80s?— dpcoz
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- No slogan is enough to get anyone with a brain to go to a Sixers game, even if the tickets were free— s1360m
- At this point in the year i could really care less about some stupid slogan for a team that doesnt start playing till November. We dont need a slogan. We need to make smart moves and win games. We need to be better than mediocre every year. There thats your stinking slogan— philliekev04
- The Sixers: "Almost as good as Villanova"
- Sixers: Catch us if you can! Sixers: If you don't learn from the past.... Sixers: If at first you don't succeed... Sixers: Playoff bound and at least one round!— overtaxed
- Sixers: We blow...point,blank,period. Sixers: Waste your hard earned money on us,and come see us get blown out live.— P.H.I
- This year's 76ERS!!! We're not as bad as you think!!!— drjimmy
- 76ERS! One & Done & Sammy's Fun!!— drjimmy
- 2009-2010 Sixers: "No, we really still do play in the Wachovia Center"— Phillyphan187
- "Sixers: Dunks and Missed Jumpers" - Ok, that's more for just Iguodala...how about "Sixers: Striving To Have As Good An Offense As An Ivy League Team".— B in DC
- Relax with Sixers basketball ... where its quiet and there are plenty empty seats to stretch out across!— billerific
- Eddie Stefanski and Eddie Jordan...Minnesota Fats and Fast Eddie...we stunk in Jersey...wit youz think Philly is any better? Ed Snider please hire Pat Croce and Doug Collins...— rodney517
- "Sixers are making a Motion on the Court, come out and be the Judge"...— FireChief
- Sixers, like fine shoes we have 5 loafers on the court.— ahjros
- Sixers - pray for lottery picks.— dpcoz
- If all of Philadelphia can be positive for one entire hour, we guarantee an 82 win season.— Stu
- "Purchase season tickets. What else are you going to do with your money, invest in the stock market?"— yh
